tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79865688336230799082024-02-19T15:06:07.665-08:00Public Domain DVDsAndrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-43476515191511497312016-08-01T18:33:00.001-07:002023-01-24T14:49:03.267-08:00The Tell-Tale Heart (1960)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Tell-Tale Heart</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Laurence Payne, Adrienne Corri, Dermot Walsh</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Ernest Morris</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: Edgar Allan Poe (original), Brian Clemens (adaption), Eldon Howard (adaption)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1960</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-4-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">It must be an ambitious undertaking for a film production to tackle Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart". After all, it is one of Poe's most famous and chilling works. If the film falls flat on its face, then the director can't simply blame the original text for being underwhelming. And much of the horror is based upon Poe's prose which is not the easiest thing to convey in film. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">However, the most challenging aspect must be the fact that Poe's original story is a little more than five pages long. It works as one quick effective jolt, not as a long sustaining opus. While The Internet Movie Database lists an astonishing 22 attempts at filming this story, I was hesitant to see how this particular instantiation (a low-budget 1960 British full length film) would attempt to pad the length.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writing additional material into Poe's classic work is something that should only be attempted by experts. Surprisingly, there was a writing team up to the challenge. The most famous of this pair is Brian Clemens who is now more known for having written for and having produced The Avengers, The Professionals and other British television programs. At this point in his career, he was churning out a lot of B-movie crime/thriller scripts with his writing partner Eldon Howard. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As one would assume, quite a lot of story has been added to flesh out this production to a standard movie running time. In this telling of the tale, the main character is a fellow called Edgar (not much of a stretch). Edgar is a troubled, lonely and strange man who has a very odd manner in dealing with the fair sex (again, they aren't going very far for material). I'm not sure exactly what connection (if any) the producers where attempting between Edgar the character and Edgar the author, but it is notable that he is a much weaker character than the brash central figure of the original story.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Betty, a pretty young woman, moves in across the street, and Edgar is soon painfully infatuated. Despite the lady's obvious unease with his advances, Edgar's mind quickly escalates the relationship far past where it exists in actuality. Within the span of a few chaste dinner dates (and one uncomfortable groping session), he's buying jewelry for her and imagining the two of them in a fantasy of wedded bliss with a long and happy future together.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Of course, reality must intrude, and it does so in the form of Edgar's best friend, Carl. Carl is a charming and handsome man who Edgar insistently invites to a few of his outings with Betty. One thing leads to another, Carl and Betty become very close, and given the original story you can see where this is going to end up, can't you?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The new material not taken from the original story is rather simplistic and wholly predictable. But this actually works in the film's favor. While the film's approach is more conventional in plot, it retains the Gothic feel of the original. The straightforward nature of the storyline allows the tension and the atmospherics to rise. There's no mystery for the viewer, everything is predictable. The audience therefore can focus on the journey rather than spend time worrying about the destination.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The recreation of the 19th Century is very good and the effective black and white cinematography reminded me of more than one Sherlock Holmes film. It did take me a while to realize that the action was taking place in France and not (as I originally assumed) in London. Why the story was set there is a question I can't immediately answer, but the outdoor cafes and florist shops are a nice touch.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The film production has a nice feel to it and there are a few moments where the atmosphere becomes very dark indeed (and probably appeared even more close to the edge in 1960). The cast does a very good job; the overall performances are more theatrical than cinematic in scope, but that acting decision makes a lot of sense within this context. Laurence Payne has the always difficult task of making a psychotic character appear realistic yet he manages quite well. Dermot Walsh and Adrienne Corri (known for roles in A Clockwork Orange and Doctor Who) do an admiral job as the ill-fated romantic pairing. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">For overall quality, it doesn't really come close to Poe's original work, but then, few things do. For a low-budget adaptation from the early 1960s, this is surprisingly decent.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-3631103186959596002016-07-28T19:29:00.000-07:002016-07-28T19:29:17.705-07:00 Good Against Evil (1977)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5lTo5h8M0j01PTPh79tVNTHKDc5tU3gpG2T8LWhgbr0TBz5RJw9wqZcixLCOmd608L5y1sMPKm5EoEtz8b_gLOlE-Q54OiqfHAIzLM9m2cUud3JzvRj-E81EtTLQ55mGr8xMbVBLjWs4R/s1600/gae.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5lTo5h8M0j01PTPh79tVNTHKDc5tU3gpG2T8LWhgbr0TBz5RJw9wqZcixLCOmd608L5y1sMPKm5EoEtz8b_gLOlE-Q54OiqfHAIzLM9m2cUud3JzvRj-E81EtTLQ55mGr8xMbVBLjWs4R/s320/gae.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Good Against Evil</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Dack Rambo, Elyssa Davalos, Richard Lynch, Kim Cattrall</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Paul Wendkos</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: Jimmy Sangster</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1977</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-2-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">GOOD AGAINST EVIL is an odd film whose structural strangeness is only partially explained by the fact that it's actually a failed television pilot and not a standalone film at all. Theoretically, this should have been a decent film: the director (Paul Wendkos, GIDGET) and writer (Jimmy Sangster, multiple Hammer horror films) both have many successful credits to their name. However, it's the limitations in the pilot format which prevent the film from being viable as a standalone work and the inherent problems within the idea itself which presumably prevented the film from ever progressing beyond a pilot.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The film begins in the New York City of 1955. A baby is born, and Satan is all over it. Appearing in the form of a black cat, he kills the mother (after first messing with her mind via jerky camera work, strange intercutting and spooky incidental music) and then oversees a weird Satanic ritual, the subject is, of course, the newborn.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">We then jump forward to the present day (the present day circa 1977). The tainted child has grown up, but is oblivious to the evil that lurks either within her or very near to her (we're a little vague on the exact theology here). She is now is a successful designer in the California fashion industry (one of the morals of our story is that the fashion industry is filled with Satan worshipers). As she joins our story, her parked car is sideswiped by the film's hero and his deliberately ramshackle van. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Since this is a movie, this minor traffic incident results in a continuing stalking situation, which only relents when the Satan Lady (Elyssa Davalos) agrees to date our hero (Dack Rambo) after several long instances of his Not Getting The Hint. After a long and painful courtship (which must take about half of the film's running time) the romance takes a wild turn when -- just before their marriage -- the Satan Lady is hypnotized, kidnapped and taken to New Orleans. Rambo's attempt at rescue involves an exorcism, a vandalized church and a young Kim Cattrall.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">It's difficult to judge GOOD AGAINST EVIL as a standalone piece of television because it was originally supposed to be only the first chapter in a continuing story. That possibly explains why the main conflict isn't even hinted at until halfway through. One has to make allowances for the fact that the last twenty minutes appear to come from nowhere (it's all setup for the series). The courtship takes longer to establish because the producers need to have this initial meeting and romance to drive the action -- not just for the remainder of the film -- but for an entire TV series. While these pacing issues are understandable, they do not make for an enjoyable viewing experience. The totality of what we have is mostly a mess.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">While one could see some small potential in GOOD AGAINST EVIL as a series, it's not difficult to see why the pilot didn't set the world on fire. Foremost of its sins is that there is an hour in the middle that is intensely boring. Given that this was supposed to air on broadcast television I was beginning to wonder if the producers were relying on advertising breaks and news updates to liven up the action. We're halfway through the film before any kind of urgency is implemented; I can't imagine many in the audience simply having the required patience.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">And while its an intriguing premise, it isn't immediately obvious to how a series would proceed. Would every episode begin with Richard Lynch moving his victim to another city and end with Dack Rambo teaming up with a bad-tempered priest to perform an exorcism on Kim Cattrall's daughter? Would the Satan Lady be catatonic in every scene? Would Satan's army of house cats be a recurring element?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Questions, alas, for which there are no answers.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-69630323174665533082016-07-23T18:51:00.000-07:002016-07-23T18:51:52.220-07:00Night of Bloody Horror (1969)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZDj8zQGjpGCh4CyxfuJFfIb7WJT-t34jWnc9_Db14a5CP567z5hibL9s1_mJGfZ1J69aHh7tbUopWSWVo3-d7tVsiQHOn5J1fnw2rNudYVvMdUETjwagMPPv_CnJ9CWL-m7xePGVyjBbV/s1600/51PKGQJ25PL_SS500_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZDj8zQGjpGCh4CyxfuJFfIb7WJT-t34jWnc9_Db14a5CP567z5hibL9s1_mJGfZ1J69aHh7tbUopWSWVo3-d7tVsiQHOn5J1fnw2rNudYVvMdUETjwagMPPv_CnJ9CWL-m7xePGVyjBbV/s320/51PKGQJ25PL_SS500_.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Night of Bloody Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Gerald McRaney, Gaye Yellen</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Joy N. Houck Jr.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: Joy N. Houck Jr., Robert A. Weaver</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1969</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-1-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Given the incredibly over the top title, I was half expecting NIGHT OF BLOODY HORROR to be an ironic, deliberately silly film in the style of ARMY OF DARKNESS. Then I read the back cover summary which I shall quote in its entirety: "A string of horrible murders haunts the consciousness of a disturbed young man, including his brother shot, his girlfriend gored, and a hospital nurse bludgeoned to death." Well, that's sufficiently cheerful sounding, isn't it? (It's also slightly inaccurate. The hospital nurse is not bludgeoned to death. She simply takes an axe to the chest. Just so you know...)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">In case there's any doubt as to what is to follow, the first shot of the film is a closeup of a cross on the top of a church. The first full scene takes place inside that church. I forget if this means that the director is trying to be ironic or trying to make a point, but I do know that the end result will be a very graphic and bloody movie. A good rule of thumb for horror films: the more religious imagery there is, the more buckets of red paint the director is going to fling around.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">NIGHT OF BLOODY HORROR was produced in 1969 and is a horror movie very much of that time. Gritty realism is the film's modus operandi: the gore factor is turned up to eleven; the actors are mostly un-made-up and relatively unpleasant to look at; the film stock is washed out and the colors are extremely dreary.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The story is vaguely depressing, often boring, and more than a little inspired by Hitchcock's PSCYHO. Our main character, Wes, is a troubled young fellow. As a child, he accidentally shot his brother and subsequently spent 13 years in an asylum. He's now been released, but has an annoying habit of being stricken by blinding headaches while strange spinning rectangles appear in his point of view shot. When he awakens from these attacks, he has the misfortune to discover that his latest girlfriend has been horribly killed, spindled and mutilated. Eventually, the local police get fed up with bodies stacking up all over the town and decide to involve themselves.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The script, like the people it depicts, is more than a little schizophrenic. Incredibly violent and gory sequences are buffered by tediously long and boring talky scenes which make the 74 minute running time fly by like it's only a week and a half. And despite the direction's insistence on overly realistic visuals, the script itself is utterly unbelievable. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Take, for example, the scene where Wes first meets the nurse. He's in a bar, drunkenly threatening his buddy with the sharp end of a broken bottle of vodka. Thrown out into the street, he's beaten, robbed and left for dead. A nurse happens to drive by, stop and assist him, taking the unconscious man back to her home. She tends to his wounds, strips him naked and puts him to bed. In the morning, he's hungover and confused as to how he got there and who this woman is; she's wandering around blithely -- as only a horror film character could -- in a see-through nightie. Who on Earth behaves this way?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The ending is also completely ludicrous once the viewer gives more than a moment's worth of rational thought to it. It's a shock ending, but one which can provoke nothing except stunned laughter once the implications of it are thought through.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The production team clearly had no money and therefore many of the scenes suffer, particularly the scenes which do not involve people being hacked to pieces. The romantic subplot is probably the biggest victim. A quick montage of still photographs of two dates running over sappy music represents the totality of a couple's extensive courtship.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">In fact the best thing about this film is something that I didn't even notice while I was watching it; only after messing around on the Internet Movie Database did I realize what I had missed. Wes is played by a very young Gerald McRaney. If that name means nothing to you (as it initially did to me), I have two words for you: Major Dad. That's right, Major freaking Dad is playing a psychotic schizophrenic. When I found this out, I immediately went back to rewatch some of his more over the top scenes (of which there are plenty, have no fear). This knowledge led to a much more enjoyable way of experiencing the film.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Apart from such unintended hilarity, there isn't much else to recommend. There's a cameo appearance by a late-1960s rock band called The Bored who, all things considered, aren't a bad group. I could not find any information about them other than this gig; I'm slightly curious as to what became of them. Unfortunately, putting a band with a name like The Bored into your film invites an obvious joke, which I will only allude to and not actually make. (See what I did there?)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">So, with Major Dad plus The Bored plus some bloody horror, what does that all add up to? Not a whole lot. If you like scenes of insane young men falling over and battling mental polygons, or sequences of people being cut violently into smaller pieces of person, then you may have yourself a good time. But even so you'll need to keep the fast forward button warm.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-6569910046138359722016-07-18T20:23:00.000-07:002016-07-18T20:23:16.434-07:00Nancy Drew... Reporter (1939)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvChQmJaySKoc1-NvnFtKtDf7qWBewgexrrf9IWcrk-NCJa680ljyj1kXGULN6CR_gTVZqY0gkCqn8vV9OleGbSbgbdwOQ084NYDPdFWhCdDy4Gh6z7yYXhEsCcZRiDv5KSszJ7yfzVyqP/s1600/51PKGQJ25PL_SS500_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvChQmJaySKoc1-NvnFtKtDf7qWBewgexrrf9IWcrk-NCJa680ljyj1kXGULN6CR_gTVZqY0gkCqn8vV9OleGbSbgbdwOQ084NYDPdFWhCdDy4Gh6z7yYXhEsCcZRiDv5KSszJ7yfzVyqP/s320/51PKGQJ25PL_SS500_.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Nancy Drew... Reporter</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Bonita Granville, Frankie Thomas, John Litel</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: William Clemens</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: Kenneth Gamet</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama, Family, Mystery</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1939</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-3-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Before firing up the DVD player, I knew I would have a bit of a problem in my encounter with this work. Mostly because I am not in the demographic that this film was initially aimed at. In short, I am not a 13-year-old girl living in the late 1930s. I mean, I'll try anything once, but I just doubt my ability to physically manage this one.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Prior to viewing, I did some basic research to determine if there were any familiar touchstones in connection with this film that I could cling to (translation: I wheeled around the Internet Movie Database for a couple of minutes, looking for names I recognized). The director was not someone familiar to me. William Clemens seems to have directed virtually the same film multiple times, with many of his movies having a similar plot summary to that which is described in his 1942 feature, SWEATER GIRL (the title sounds filthy, but the content probably isn't): "College students attempt to solve a series of murders on campus while also trying to put together the school's big show." I didn't get much of a sense of Clemens' body of work, but I did get the impression that he was good at picking appealing titles for his movies: LADY BODYGUARD, THE CASE OF THE STUTTERING BISHOP, SHE COULDN'T SAY NO and THE FALCON AND THE CO-EDS, to name a few.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The information for the screenwriter was similarly unilluminating. So turning to the actors, I looked up Bonita Granville who plays the eponymous character. I was initially disheartened to see that her final filmed performance was as the uncredited role of 'Woman' in 1981's THE LEGEND OF THE LONE RANGER. But further investigation revealed that she'd been nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar just two years before NANCY DREW... REPORTER.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Slightly cheered by this information, I placed the DVD into the player, settled down on the loveseat and pressed 'play'. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">It was only a few minutes in this movie featuring teenagers of an indeterminate age when I realized that this was indeed going to be silly enough to be enjoyable. During a high speed chase sequence in front of an obvious rear-projection, Nancy spends as much time concentrating on the road as she does holding onto her hat.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The story concerns Nancy Drew becoming a reporter, as you no doubt have already guessed from the title. The editor of the local newspaper has been talked into allowing a group of young people (each one with a massive floppy hat) to work for an unpaid stint of three days. Whoever has written the best story at the end of the time will get a fifty dollar prize and a gold medal (although no promise is made of the article actually getting published). Nancy doesn't have the biggest or the floppiest 1930s hat, but she's a young and plucky determined kid. So she ditches her cheesy human interest assignment and shows up at an inquest.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">After the results of the autopsy are broadcast, Nancy is the victim of a seemingly unconnected hit-and-run accident. The conclusion of the subsequent chase sequence is the film's most shocking moment, in which it is revealed that fixing a broken bumper will set Nancy back three dollars and fifty cents.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">At this point, we meet the three other main-ish characters: Ted Nickerson, her amiable, but dopey platonic boyfriend; Mary Nickerson, Ted's kid sister; and a child allegedly named Killer Parkins who is Mary's partner-in-crime (presumably his parents named him during Prohibition when they thought a henchman's life would be something positive that their baby could grow into). I should admit now that I'm not extremely well versed in the Nancy Drew mythos so I'm not sure if these characters are from the books or are original to the film. Further, I'm not sure if it really matters.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Also, I should take the opportunity to mention that because of the era's hair and clothing styles, all the kids look like they're in their early thirties including the children who are clearing counting their years in the single digits. (This can be simultaneously humorous and creepy -- case in point, the scene where Nancy's father joyfully wrestles his daughter into bed.) The hairstyles are so full that in one scene Nancy Drew successfully smuggles a 1930s camera into a jail in her hair.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The rest of the movie is full of the pleasant silliness one would expect from a teen-oriented mystery movie of the era. There are dumb police officers, slow-talking heavies, blond molls and clueless adults. At one point Nancy accidentally sends her hapless boyfriend into the ring with a professional boxer. Later, Nancy, Ted and the two troublemaking kids are forced to sing for their dinner when they run short of funds (for some reason, a Chinese restaurant cheerfully accepts the customers singing jazzed-up nursery rhymes in lieu of cash). There's even a police officer in drag, which had me scrambling back to the Internet Movie Database to fruitlessly search for a young Ed Wood in the credits.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">If you're in a frivolous enough mood, then this is a decent, enjoyable film. The thing to keep in mind is that it's very much of its time. I'd recommend it if you enjoy eager, non-mentally taxing movies of this style and from this era. On the other hand, if this description has you rolling your eyes in annoyance, then just stay away.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-36824310275985214832016-07-12T21:35:00.000-07:002016-07-12T21:35:33.620-07:00Thrill Seekers (1999)<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Thrill Seekers</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Casper van Dien, Catherine Bell, and -- as (only) seen on TV -- Martin Sheen</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Mario Azzopardi</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer(s): Kurt Inderbitzin & Gay Walch </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Sci-Fi, Action</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1999</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-3-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The cover of my copy of THRILL SEEKERS features the title in a appropriately scary font. Directly above it appear the words: "Your passport to danger." But the picture the DVD company chose to use was one of a bored-looking Casper Van Dien taking a phone-call. Perhaps this is not quite conveying the thrill that the filmmakers were seeking.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Actually, despite the dull cover, THRILL SEEKERS is actually a decent little made-for-TV movie. The story is predictable, but fun. The actors do a decent job. And the direction is of a slightly higher caliber than one would reasonably expect.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Casper Van Dien stars as a former hot shot TV reporter who is now reduced to working for a World News Weekly style tabloid. While researching a story about famous historical disasters (the Titanic, the Hindenburg, etc), he happens to notice the same man appearing in different file photographs who looks exactly the same regardless of how many decades separate the events (the revamped Doctor Who would -- six years later -- use the same plot point and the same bad Photoshop technology).</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Taking this knowledge with him on a flight to D.C., Van Dien is rather disturbed to see the same man sitting across the aisle. Putting two and two together and managing to avoid a horrific air-disaster, he finds himself on the run from a pair of threats. One is the law enforcement of his own time who aren't quite buying his explanation of "Sorry, officer, I had to hijack the plane in order to save it." The second is from two assassins of the future whose very existence depends on Van Dien not using his new-found knowledge to alter their timeline.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Along the way, he teams up with the tabloid's chief archivist, Catherine Bell, who I was most familiar with from her role as the woman in the uniform on that show about fighter jets and courtrooms. Martin Sheen also has a part to play in Earth's apocalypse. Literally videophoning-in his performance, he is an angry CEO from the future seen only on a small screen barking technobabble at his time agents.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I will complain about a certain plot point which is all too common in these types of time travel movies. If the plot involves changing history and then you kill off one of the main characters, I am not going to be especially surprised if somehow the dead person gets brought back to life. Stop trying to shock me like this. The bigger surprise would be if you killed off the person, and then left them dead. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I find myself with not much to say about THRILL SEEKERS. It's predictable, the production values reflect its made-for-TV status, and it takes itself a little too seriously. But I sort of liked it. The pacing is good -- swift enough that you don't really notice any of the story oddities. Some of what I enjoyed I'm hesitant to describe for fear of providing spoilers, but it's a diverting enough way to spend an hour and a half.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-82956021738357663592016-07-07T20:30:00.000-07:002016-07-07T20:30:43.172-07:00Row Your Boat (2000)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1R4UNlA0LdaoQZbVrmoU0etDcgbBaErvbThFffJU9gGSIcGjo5mEZL4OwZkOyLXUwBVEaYzz33cd3Sv2LS33iLEKP8IwGZADJppmkzGQJuK7MFEgTPvgLB3E14rzIgTfRxeETbZPtECeO/s1600/23bfb2c008a0a6abd5a2b010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1R4UNlA0LdaoQZbVrmoU0etDcgbBaErvbThFffJU9gGSIcGjo5mEZL4OwZkOyLXUwBVEaYzz33cd3Sv2LS33iLEKP8IwGZADJppmkzGQJuK7MFEgTPvgLB3E14rzIgTfRxeETbZPtECeO/s320/23bfb2c008a0a6abd5a2b010.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Row Your Boat</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Jon Bon Jovi, Ling Bai, William Forsythe, Jill Hennessy</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Sollace Mitchell</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: Sollace Mitchell</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Drama, Crime, Romance</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 2000</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-2-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">When looking at the cast list for this film, I originally intended to construct my review entirely from lyrics of Jon Bon Jovi songs. Unfortunately, it turns out that I don't know any Jon Bon Jovi lyrics. But I suspect that even if I did, no one reading this would recognize them anyway.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">In any event, in ROW YOUR BOAT Jon Bon Jovi plays a guy recently released from prison. He isn't quite ready for the path to the straight and narrow in the newly found freedom he has in New York City. His hobbies include breaking into people's apartments, drinking their wine, stealing their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and then jumping out the fire escape when the owners come home.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">However, a chance encounter with his brother pushes him towards improving his lot in life. You see, the brother he went to prison to protect is still mixed up in crime and Mr. Jovi resolves not to follow in those footsteps. Exactly what kind of crimes his brother commits are left a little vague. His antics include breaking into empty Chinese restaurants at night, having a crummy apartment full of boxes and boxes of CD players, and getting pushed around by an Asian gangster with bleached hair. (The Asian gangster, incidentally is named Tony Lo Fat. Which I presume is what you get when you put a Soprano on a diet.)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">While sleeping in a homeless shelter, he happens along a US Census official, and gets the bright idea of working for that government department. In one of the movie's unintentionally fun moments, the frustrated and over-worked federal employee is played by Thomas Lennon – better known as the cop in the really small shorts in RENO 911.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">So Jovi begins his life as a census-taker, which puts him in all manner of apparently funny situations. At one point, he is forced to shout "No, I'm not crack-head! I work for the United States government!" at people who refuse to take his clipboard seriously.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Eventually, his job causes him to cross paths with the Chinese immigrant (played by Ling Bai) he will be forced to share awkward and unwieldy romantic dialog with for the rest of the movie. Yes, apparently, not only will censor-takers count the number of baths and bedrooms you have, they'll also scope you out and presumably take their research back to the big babe-o-meter database back in Washington, DC where they and their decedents will plan generations of inappropriate questioning. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Now, to understand the next bit, you must realize that ROW YOUR BOAT is the kind of romantic movie set in a world very similar to, but ultimately completely different to our Earth. Using his job, he gains access to her house. His position allows him to as Bai all kinds of personal questions (none of which are on the official forms, of course). Using his creepily-gotten information, he then sets himself up as an English teacher (something he has zero experience with) and offers to give her lessons in linguistics for virtually no money.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Is this behavior charming? Well, apparently it is in movie land. However, I suspect that the kind of guy who does this sort of thing in real life will one day find himself in a model home full of hidden cameras with Chris Hanson asking him if he wouldn't mind explaining himself.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I digress, but the rest of the film is relatively ordinary anyway. The main sources of conflict are between Jovi and his brother and also between Bai and her husband. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention above that Jovi is pulling this stuff on a married woman. I suppose the fact that it's an unhappy marriage to a high ranking member of the Chinese Communist Party gives Jovi a free license to creep.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The film is slightly difficult to watch in places. I'm honestly not sure if the Digiview Productions version of the disc is edited for content, or the director had a dose of narcolepsy in the editing room. Scenes (particularly in the first half of the film) tend to jerk around randomly. In one notable portion, it's unclear whether a shoving match takes place inside or outside.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">This odd editing is representative of the film as a whole, particularly the script. This leaves the actors with very little to work with. Jill Hennessy has nothing to do as the girlfriend of Jovi's brother. We can't seem to figure out whether the gangster bother is really playing in the big leagues or not (or just in over his head in a very small racket). By the end of the movie, Jovi and Bai actually display some romantic chemistry, but the script has no idea what to do with it.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">ROW YOUR BOAT is pretty much a waste of time. The romance is unsure of itself. The gangster scenes are never as tough or gritty as they need to be. The film as a whole seems to take itself much more seriously than it has any business doing. While it's sometimes funny to watch a high-flying movie take a flop, I had very little fun with this train wreck. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">(On a personal note, I'd like to extend my condolences to the career of William Forsythe. This is how he is mentioned on the back cover of the DVD: "[...] his brother, played by William Forsythe (DICK TRACY, THE ROCK, DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE GIGALO) [...]" Can you imagine how you'd feel if that was your career trajectory?)</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-34856962571327164272016-07-05T20:36:00.000-07:002016-07-05T20:36:37.391-07:00The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhloTCyI9DcV7xLWHnHIPO7sWZgj7XSeahyphenhyphenpsQvOx1H5lTvgXyrgJkT3lF_-8EWgQjXSftPdnitodnjH3tsNoOyLy5d_CAwPD9WdHMbeEm0SrTB1yDTZSOnMFaVxAVsuhK3hZfMUNvxSYUS/s1600/B000A1GZ58.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhloTCyI9DcV7xLWHnHIPO7sWZgj7XSeahyphenhyphenpsQvOx1H5lTvgXyrgJkT3lF_-8EWgQjXSftPdnitodnjH3tsNoOyLy5d_CAwPD9WdHMbeEm0SrTB1yDTZSOnMFaVxAVsuhK3hZfMUNvxSYUS/s320/B000A1GZ58.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Beast of Yucca Flats</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Tor Johnson, Douglas Mellor, Bing Stafford</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Coleman Francis </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: Coleman Francis</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Sci-Fi/Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1961</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-1-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I am somewhat proud of the fact that I am so familiar with the works of Coleman Francis that even watching this for the first time, I was very easily able to spot Francis and producer Anthony Cardoza in their (multiple) cameo appearances. I'm also tickled that I was able to spot the guy who played "Cherokee Jack" in RED ZONE CUBA without even trying. This may not get me into Mensa, but gives me a warm sensation on this cold spring day in all the parts of my mind and body that crave bad moviemaking.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">This film runs for two and fifty minutes. It has just about enough plot for the two, but the fifty is left oddly hanging. It's difficult to believe that a film that's eight minutes short of an hour could feel like a lifetime, but believe me it does. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The story is about Tor Johnson (PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and THE UNEARTHLY) as a defecting Soviet scientist. This bit of casting is probably the film's first mistake. If you're going to have someone believable as an intelligent, reputable man of science, it would perhaps be better to stay away from the Swedish ex-wrestlers. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">In any event, the scientist heads towards the Yucca Flats nuclear testing grounds. On route, he is attacked by Soviet agents (look, it's Tony Cardoza!) who want to kill Tor and destroy the information he carries. Tor escapes their gunfire simply by walking very quickly away from them. Unfortunately, he wanders onto the proving grounds themselves and is hit by a nuclear bomb. Rather than blasting him into his component atoms, the effect is merely to turn this notable scientist into the eponymous Beast.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Beast now has an unquenchable appetite for death. To satisfy his cravings he begins a killing spree out on the wastelands. This is not, it must be noted, the most efficient location for a killing spree. Fortunately for Tor -- thanks to movie logic -- the abandoned wastelands seem to have a fair number of great fools willing to go into them and be knocked over by Tor.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">"Flag on the moon," intones the narrator. "How did it get there?" How indeed. The film's narration is littered with these apparent non sequiturs (the previous question arrives unannounced in the middle of a car chase sequence). The narrator is by far the most entertaining portion of this film, interrupting the action with bad poetry about human progress related in a bland monotone. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Sounds like a fun, cheesy sci-fi/horror film right? </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Well, if you haven't seen it, it would be difficult for you to believe exactly how mind-numbingly dull this film is. It's less than an hour, but during my second viewing I kept finding excuses to walk about of the room. The problem is that there isn't enough action in it. Tor Johnson needed to do more killing. Almost all of the film seems to involve either two police officers wandering around the wasteland looking for Tor or two young boys blinding stumbling around the location shoot. Tor's is the slowest rampage you'll ever in your life see.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I find myself rendered mentally immobile enough after two viewings to have much of anything left to say. The dialog is stilted. The direction is dizzying in its utter lack of a breakneck pace. The plot -- as I indicated -- would have trouble fleshing out a two minute trailer. I would almost recommend this as a way of turning an ordinary metal and plastic television set into something that most humans cannot bear to look at for more than a few minutes at a time. This is definitely a film that only a bad movie lover could endure, but even with previous bad movie experience, you should approach this one with caution.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-42249251525969265292016-06-30T20:56:00.000-07:002016-06-30T20:56:54.570-07:00One-Eyed Jacks (1961)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGFzlH_oDev9oxQtbyikkqU7CyKpdOZ_QxKWGybuL5k5pobWMUAgHQ85Pon9P-Cuh3basl0ZvTe2HmfWypp2cIhZp-NX8TTwpk0gW62xT8QtAap3nlovk2IeO0QRbUbGpvbXVbQuRavSv2/s1600/926f4310fca015172d6f5010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGFzlH_oDev9oxQtbyikkqU7CyKpdOZ_QxKWGybuL5k5pobWMUAgHQ85Pon9P-Cuh3basl0ZvTe2HmfWypp2cIhZp-NX8TTwpk0gW62xT8QtAap3nlovk2IeO0QRbUbGpvbXVbQuRavSv2/s320/926f4310fca015172d6f5010.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">One-Eyed Jacks</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Marlon Brando, Karl Malden, Slim Pickens </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Marlon Brando</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Charles Neider (novel), Guy Trosper, Calder Willingham</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Western</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1961</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-4-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The story behind ONE-EYED JACKS appears to have been almost as interesting as the plot which unfolds on the screen. Rod "The Twilight Zone" Serling wrote a rejected treatment of the book this film was based on. The original director attached to the project was none other than a young Stanley Kubrick. Eventually, the star and director ended up being the same person -- Marlon Brando. The film reunited him with co-star Karl Malden; the pair having had worked together before in the classic ON THE WATERFRONT.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">So dark is this story, that even Slim Pickens is playing a manipulative bastard with few redeeming characteristics. ONE-EYED JACKS is basically a story of betrayal -- a topic it explores right from the film's opening set piece. Trapped, and with only one person able to escape, Karl Malden's character promises to seek help quickly and return to save Marlon Brando from the law. Instead he takes their stolen loot and makes a run for it.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Brando spends the next five years in prison because of this and most of that time he broods over his betrayal at the hands of a man he nicknamed "Dad". No doubt the fact that Brando himself manipulated the game of chance which sent Malden off as the one to find help ate away at him. Once escaping prison, he quickly meets up with another band of outlaws. But their plans of more bank heists are secondary. Brando is more interested in revenge. He quickly catches up with Malden, but instead of exacting his vengeance quickly, he picks a more protracted method. Favoring to pretend there are no hard feelings, he bides his time in order to heighten his former partner's suffering.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">It's almost wearying to watch this unfold. Brando cheerfully proclaims that he bears no malice, but covertly plans his revenge. Malden swears he trusts Brando, but has machinations of his own. The audience must simply watch as these two men get deeper and deeper into their own games.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">What's delicious about this movie is that you can connect a line between every individual character and each person they encounter. And almost every single one of those lines draws a deceitful relationship. Brando deceives Malden, Malden's daughter and every woman he meets. Malden lies to Brando and his own family. Malden's daughter hides the truth from her father. Slim Pickens tries double crossing everyone he meets. It's dizzying to keep up with what the actual reality of the film is.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As far as revenge films goes, this is good, but not great. The vengeance is interesting to watch from the point of view of the audience, yet it's not quite as engaging as it could have been. I felt simultaneously intrigued and removed from the action.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Where the film does get a boost though is from the performances of the two stars. This shouldn't be a surprise. Even in places where the script drags, watching Malden and Brando as they plot and scheme with each other while also trying to figure out the other guy's motivation is always fun.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Digiview Productions edition of this film is presented in widescreen. The picture and sound quality are more than adequate, although they could definitely benefit from some digital cleanup.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">If you like movies where the only characters with redeeming qualities are given less than half a dozen lines each, then ONE EYED JACKS should be right up your alley. But you might want to draw a flow-chart while watching so that you can keep track of everyone's ulterior motives.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-70080208982409720272016-06-28T20:54:00.000-07:002016-06-28T20:54:39.121-07:00Heaven's Fire (1999)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPWsJEUEkMucPkkZziwkcdAYxLhDoa2UwJg5_LsYpP3e7KgxDgT2dlW4K6LLzuAPWO0M1eaI7PFmlUQpZyLasze-VtHf5aYCyHF2GHm6hLSSXftIg7UJmEI5vh5XlpRntTFa8vwP8p3oVG/s1600/51Q4MH2AJBL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPWsJEUEkMucPkkZziwkcdAYxLhDoa2UwJg5_LsYpP3e7KgxDgT2dlW4K6LLzuAPWO0M1eaI7PFmlUQpZyLasze-VtHf5aYCyHF2GHm6hLSSXftIg7UJmEI5vh5XlpRntTFa8vwP8p3oVG/s320/51Q4MH2AJBL.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Heaven's Fire</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Eric Roberts, Jürgen Prochnow </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: David Warry-Smith</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Rob Kerchner, Charles Philip Moore </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Action</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1999</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-4-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">If Dave Matthews tried to teach us that the afterlife is a nice house with central heating, then HEAVEN'S FIRE would have us believe that heaven is a large Federal building in Seattle, Washington.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The plot of HEAVEN'S FIRE is slight, even for an action movie. A gang of nasty scallywags have decided to hijack a helicopter, land on the roof of a United States Treasury building and steal a set of metal plates used for printing money. They didn't count on two things. The first thing they didn't anticipate was their helicopter crashing and setting the building on fire. The also didn't count on Eric Roberts who happens to be present during the heist and who also happens to be a former Federal agent. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The band of outlaws is led by Jürgen "Waiter, I'd like my proch now" Prochnow. He's German, which means that his accent sounds really cool when delivering his bad-guy action movie catch phrases, but is almost indecipherable when attempting actual exposition. This isn't much of a problem though, as one should be able to follow the story even with the sound turned down to zero.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Of course, every story of good vs. evil needs its group of utterly helpless innocent bystanders. In this case, it's a tour group that was visiting the Treasury when the armed robbery began. Once the helicopter crashes into the side of the building, the easily panicked, multi-ethnic group morphs into the cast of THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE who must be led floor-by-floor away from the various dangers.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Rounding out the cast is Eric Roberts' girlfriend who is the leader of the tour group. She has a daughter from a previous marriage, and Eric Roberts has a son. He's a moody, introspective loner. She's an all-American Valley girl. Can these two people share an action movie without driving each other crazy?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Maintaining the connection to the outside world is the standard action movie Useless Authority Figure. In this case, it's someone very high up in the Treasure Department who bullies his way into being in charge of disaster recovery (you can make your own FEMA jokes here). In my mind, I deleted this actor and replaced him with Alan Greenspan. To demonstrate his stupidity, his first scene features his asking if the two fires burning independently in different parts of the skyscraper will cancel out each other. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">So there you have it. Burning building. Good guy. Bad guys. Cannon fodder.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">This is all standard stuff for a cheesy action movie. But this actually is a good cheesy action movie. It's entertaining. It's fun. It's good harmless escapism. It's exciting when it needs to be. The dialog is just goofy and silly enough to be enjoyable.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">It must be said that the film is extremely predictable (apart from one genuinely good twist near the end), but this is where the film's short running time (80 minutes) comes to its rescue. The pacing is pretty good. No scene outlasts its welcome and the action keeps going to prevent the story from becoming stagnant. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Of course, the film can't escape the fact that it's a relatively low budget affair. Take, for example, the scene where the civilians are trapped in a stairwell which is slowly collapsing. Eric Roberts' son has an entire flight of concrete stairs fall on his head. This results in a small cut on his forehead and minor bleeding. I laughed. And I give the film credit for this, because at the end of the day, I don't care if I'm laughing with or at a movie. If I'm entertained, I'm happy.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-27845736154640951512016-06-27T20:25:00.000-07:002016-06-27T20:25:28.227-07:00Stanley (1972)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbHf-I-NvjKxhWJPuJAxZBExja9-VkSiznqsXr4T-yJfB8M19tpGwCAJvUy2SAdNJBSEzPKSCKv7MzMQzIEyP4CYm621R3BhJTG3ATFw4OC8bjygbZUf51-M11qmnYE_qM5zNX-QaQSicN/s1600/B000IJWILM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbHf-I-NvjKxhWJPuJAxZBExja9-VkSiznqsXr4T-yJfB8M19tpGwCAJvUy2SAdNJBSEzPKSCKv7MzMQzIEyP4CYm621R3BhJTG3ATFw4OC8bjygbZUf51-M11qmnYE_qM5zNX-QaQSicN/s320/B000IJWILM.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Stanley</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Chris Robinson, Alex Rocco, Steve Alaimo</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: William Grefe</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: William Grefe, Gary Crutcher </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1972</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-1-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">STANLEY is one of the more repugnant films I've seen a long time. What the producers lacked in technical prowess, they more than match in their ability to create utterly loathsome and unappealing characters. I didn't like this film from the beginning, but the longer it went on, the more I was appalled that anyone would think this was a story worth telling or that it featured characters worth sharing. There is very little to recommend about this film.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The plot is very thin. Tim Ochopee is a Native American recently back from army service in Vietnam. The experience has left him a broken man, shunning all human contact (including the Indian tribe he formerly lived with) and existing purely to improve the lives of the local snake life, his only friends in the world. As the film progresses the snakes become his hit men, taking the lives of all the people he perceives have wronged him in the past.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">One of the movie's moral lessons is that where the white man goes, he brings nothing but pain and misery. It is difficult to argue against this when one realizes that the white man created the film industry which in turn produced the film STANLEY. Of course -- to be fair -- the black man is not exactly given the most flattering portrayal either. Nor does the Indian come across very well all things considered. In fact, watching this film makes one feel a little worse about all of humanity. I myself felt a little less than civilized after sitting through this, and I hadn't even been born when the movie was first released.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Tim has many snakes living in cages in his shack. His favorite snake is named Stanley (presumably for the sole purpose of allowing the graphics department use a cartoon snake to represent the "S" in the film's title card). He takes his snakes on field trips to seedy nightclubs where the two of them watch a particular stripper who dances with a snake. I get the impression that Tim was checking out the lady's snake, while his snake was checking out the stripper.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">An odd subplot involves the use of the snakes in the strip act mentioned above. The manager of the shady strip club is convinced that an animal-cruelty stunt will be a great boon for business. Apparently he is unaware that he is the manager of a shady strip club and that no one cares about snakes. At least, not the two-eyed snakes on the stage.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The costume department presumably intended to make everyone look absolutely up-to-date and modern, and consequently everyone looks incredibly 70s. Everyone seems to be wearing their shirts unbuttoned to their navels, have gaudy gold medallions around their necks and have been poured into their hideously colored bell-bottoms.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Now, reading the description, one may wonder why I was so averse to this film. It certainly sounds like cheesy fun. Low budget filmmaking, bad 1970s fashion, snakes visiting strip clubs. But trust me, there's little fun to be had. The problem is not merely that the plot is paper thin, uninspired and predictable. It's also that everyone in this film is particularly and overwhelmingly loathsome. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">And I don't mean the people are merely "bad guys". Movie bad guys can be perfectly watchable, entertaining and enjoyable. Think of the questionable morality of the characters played by Lee van Cleef, Malcolm McDowell or Vincent Price; you want to watch them, not because they're "good", but because they're interesting. Yet the characters here are utterly lacking in charisma, they're purposelessly sadistic and are fundamentally banal.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">You can't even cheer their bad behavior, because it's virtually impossible to feel any sympathy for their point of view. Take the scene where the protagonist brutally kills two heavies. Up until this point in the film, the pair have been portrayed entirely as stock comic relief characters. Yes, they try to capture some snakes for nefarious purposes, but they're played as total incompetents. For example, one of their raids ends in disaster as one one guy gets bitten on the backside and cannot sit down on his ride to the hospital. And we go from this to a sequence where the two slowly and painfully drown in quicksand while Tim throws a poisonous snake on them. It as disconcerting as it would be to watch the Road Runner submitting Wile E. Coyote to waterboarding, or Bugs Bunny violently ripping out Elmer Fudd's fingernails. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">By about the halfway point, I started wishing the venomous snakes would immediately bite every character so I wouldn't have to look at them anymore. While I eventually got most of my wish, the film took way too long to kill off its unpleasant cast. I usually watch these films twice before writing a review, but this time I decided I wasn't going to do that to myself. I can't recommend this film to anyone but the snakes in the audience who wish to assert their moral and artistic superiority over bonehead human film producers. And I cannot at the moment say I disagree with the snakes.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-43637737938903269362016-06-26T20:14:00.000-07:002016-06-26T20:14:33.750-07:00The Snake People (1971)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKMEtISH5dpiAgA1MRLzcEcUekKihZ2gvw2C2p_1hcAsBzJzBYj4dvklRn5KJdOGKhnrjx98GJ7TQSOh70nsn1tl6YX8QEq8b-5wQ-S3DuG-dM2puZDiw4roXyuWQKXPqwNp40g8TJyIt6/s1600/B0000AGWM7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKMEtISH5dpiAgA1MRLzcEcUekKihZ2gvw2C2p_1hcAsBzJzBYj4dvklRn5KJdOGKhnrjx98GJ7TQSOh70nsn1tl6YX8QEq8b-5wQ-S3DuG-dM2puZDiw4roXyuWQKXPqwNp40g8TJyIt6/s320/B0000AGWM7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Snake People (a.k.a. Isle of the Snake People, a.k.a. Isle of the Living Dead, a.k.a. La Muerte Viviente)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Boris Karloff, Julissa, Ralph Bertrand, Tongolele</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Directors: Juan Ibáñez, Jack Hill</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Jack Hill (screenplay), Juan Ibáñez, Luis Enrique Vergara </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1971</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-3-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I have no idea what THE SNAKE PEOPLE was all about and I suspect no one involved with the production knew either. Least of all was probably poor old Boris Karloff who made this film very near the end of his life. While the large majority of the film was shot in Mexico (in a neat reversal for anyone who has seen Charlton Heston in TOUCH OF EVIL, here several Mexican actors and actresses are playing Caucasians), Karloff never left a sound stage in California. As disjointed as it sounds for a movie to take place with its star far removed from his surroundings and his co-stars, even the non-Karloff scenes add up to a lot of nothing. I've seen many low budget films, but it really is rare to see one that so blatantly throws random images and sequences upon the screen with so little regard for order, logic or reason.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">For starters, let's take the opening scene. A witch doctor and what I assume to be his follower are performing a voodoo ceremony. The witch doctor is a dwarf. He's wearing a very neat, black suit jacket, a blue Hawaiian shirt, a black top hat, white opera gloves and some seriously nice bling around his neck. He wears his sunglasses at night. He raises a woman from the dead. Costuming aside, it's a fairly standard scene for a voodoo movie. Except that there is no context here, nor does the film ever reveal any. Why does the witch doctor affect a James Bond villain style cackle throughout the entire ceremony? Why does he start sobbing and rubbing his companion's hand across his face?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My guess is that the only reason this film has even the relatively low status associated with a One Dollar DVD release is the inclusion of Boris Karloff. As noted above, he is far removed from the action. Even before I consulted the Internet, one could tell that Karloff was not a well man when he made this. Not only was he not able to travel to Mexico for filming, most of the scenes he is in feature him sitting down. When he does stand it is with use of a cane, and his only relatively strenuous sequence requires that he lean heavily on a table. It's actually depressing, especially if one is used to seeing a younger, more robust Karloff holding his own with various monsters and heroes.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">In the scenes where Karloff would have to interact with his fellow cast members in Mexico, the character helpfully dons a black, face-covering ski-mask and sunglasses. But don't worry, he'll still be smoking his cigar, so you won't miss that it's him. Although actually the double looks more like Groucho Marx ready to hold up a liquor store than he resembles Boris Karloff. I couldn't help but whistle "Hooray For Captain Spaulding" whenever he appeared.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The story begins with Karloff's niece coming to visit him on the remote Pacific island where he makes his home. The niece is an rabid prohibitionist and is hoping her uncle will support the organization to which she belongs. What actual support he could provide from his remote bachelor pad/island is not obvious. Of course, once she catches up with Karloff all thoughts of continuing the cause are forgotten (apart from a few scenes where she lightly admonishes her love interest's drinking habits). </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Naturally, this being a remote colonial island, there are all manner of cultists and so forth. Now here is where the story begins breaking down. The island contains a voodoo cult, a roaming gang of cannibal woman (who hide in the shadows and suddenly leap out at their victims and eat them raw) and a religion of people where somehow snakes are involved in their ceremonies. I paid close attention both times I watched this film, and I'm still not sure what all these groups have to do with each other. The snake people are killing folks with snake venom. The voodoo people are raising them up again. And the cannibal woman are eating the living. I'm not sure how they are related. Are they all the snake people of the title? Are the voodoo people and cannibals merely a subset of the snake people? Are they allies? The cannibal women seem completely on their own, and I simply could not work out the relationship these groups had. I suspect the cannibal woman escaped from some other movie set and spent their time running in and out of the shooting script for this film.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The niece isn't the only newcomer to the island. The land is a French possession, and a French captain of police has arrived in order to suppress the local witchcraft because of concerns on "the mainland". The movie is very vague on its moral message. It jumps repeatedly back and forth between arguing that the Europeans shouldn't be interfering in other people's religions and saying that the natives' religion is nuttier than squirrel poop and of course it should be stopped.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I had a very difficult time tying enough of the plot strands together to present it to you in a coherent fashion. Then I figured that if the producers didn't care, then I won't either. I'll simply list some of the more notable sub-plots:</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">1. Karloff and his maid are doing some sort of experimentation in telekinesis and pyrokinesis. He claims that moving small mirrors on a table and the ability to light grass on fire will rid the world of disease, war and even death. Good luck with all that. As you may imagine, the experimentation/scientific aspect of this disappears after its initial scene. I have no idea if this plot point is something he learned from the voodoo people, the snake people or the cannibal people. (See above. Maybe Karloff acquired it from all three.)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">2. A random filthy white guy on the island attempts dancing with -- and later seducing -- a reanimated female corpse. This is just as icky as it sounds. I can't figure out who this guy is supposed to be. He's shown in one scene to be a Karloff's friend, but there's no explanation as to what he's doing. Is he a fellow scientist? Was he shipwrecked? Is he a traveler? Is he a witch doctor? Is he a voodoo practitioner? Apart from admiring his panama hat, I could find no purpose for his inclusion in the film.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">3. Karloff's maid (who looks shockingly like Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas) keeps belly-dancing with a snake. I'm sure this is supposed to demonstrate something about the snake people's religion, but I have no idea what that could be.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">4. If you thought the "belly-dancing with a snake" line above was just overflowing with tawdry innuendo, then wait until you get a load of the niece's dream sequence. All I say is that she dreams that there are two of her and one keeps putting a snake in her mouth.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">That disparate list should give you some idea of the mental gymnastics your brain will have to undergo to follow the story. And it's a good indication of what the movie feels like as a whole. Not only are random plot points brought up and immediately thrown away, on the visual side, images and shots are handled the same way, with apparently random pictures being indiscriminately hurled at the viewer. The niece's dream sequence is typical. Apart from being loaded with strange sexual imagery and cheap camera tricks (apparently, if you stop film, you can make people blink in and out of existence!), what is the point of it? It doesn't seem to reference any other part of the film. It doesn't affect the way she acts afterwards. It's random imagery for the sake of random imagery.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Now all that being said, I can't say I didn't like it. Usually I get annoyed when a director or writer throws me ninety minutes of surrealism because he finds coherency too hard. But for some reason I found this vaguely appealing. I'm sure most of this sprung from the fact that I was staring at the screen with my jaw in my lap unable to believe that anyone thought they could get away with this. The movie is relatively coherent through the first third, but it was about at that point that I mentally pictured the director throwing his hands in the air and deciding that anything goes ("We have footage of snakes popping in and out of existence on a coat rack? Yeah, let's go with that!"). I have to admire the sheer audacity involved.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I feel that I have somewhat cheated in this review by simply relating things that occurred and following that by saying that I didn't understand what it was about. But at least I'm being honest. Most of this film simply defies rationality. I dare anyone to watch this film and not be entertained by the sheer randomness of the experience. Although I should warn anyone squeamish that I think the filmmakers really did chop the head off of a live chicken in the opening scene. Viewer beware.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-49713229318750457102016-06-16T18:54:00.000-07:002016-06-16T18:54:29.211-07:00Don't Look In The Basement! (1973)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitoQgE13FZ8NdSn4G38-gfMES4obLRBHwRpbD4vsULVbbVE6xx6piF4C4v4ofXjbFUxT89fCAM7rUIV2ajIIIYKf8Sqzqke3VSXV5nnk5JDRnvOYB2Gj613DJUqhCZaU5qbgIuKHRjZYAd/s1600/6305459452.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitoQgE13FZ8NdSn4G38-gfMES4obLRBHwRpbD4vsULVbbVE6xx6piF4C4v4ofXjbFUxT89fCAM7rUIV2ajIIIYKf8Sqzqke3VSXV5nnk5JDRnvOYB2Gj613DJUqhCZaU5qbgIuKHRjZYAd/s320/6305459452.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Don't Look In The Basement!</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Rosie Holotik, William Bill McGhee, Anne MacAdams</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: S.F. Brownrigg</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: Tim Pope</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1973</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-3-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">DON'T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT! (including explanation point in the title) is also known as DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT (without explanation point), or THE FORGOTTEN, or DEATH WARD #13. Whatever it's called, it is one of the strangest movies I've seen in a long time.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The 1970s no-budget horror film seems to be a genre unto itself. Other eras have attempted to counter their lack of funds by introducing certain elements that -- while cheap to produce -- give the film something to offer. In the 70s, they just seemed to throw as much weird stuff as possible at the audience in hopes that some of it would stick.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As an illustration, let me describe for you the film's pre-credits sequence. At a secluded sanatorium for the mentally handicapped, the doctor in charge of the home is extolling the virtues of allowing one of his aggressive patients work out his negative emotions by shouting at him when he chops wood. Moments later, while turning to explain his theories to a bystander, he promptly takes an axe to the back of the neck with predictably bloody results.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">A few moments later, a paranoid woman is guarding a child's doll, which she believes is her actual biological infant. The violent outburst she suffers when she thinks her baby has been taken concludes with the strangulation of a nurse. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I would find it difficult to spoil the plot, because until the last half hour the film really doesn't have much of one. The story is told from the point of view of a Nurse Charlotte Beale (Rosie Holotik, a fetching redhead who modeled for Playboy the previous year). Charlotte arrives during the opening credits and finds herself working in a mental ward full of crazy people (not surprisingly). She is introduced to the stereotypical group of movie mental patients, which include the army sergeant -- traumatized by the deaths of soldiers under his command -- who thinks he is still at war, a nymphomaniac, a middle-aged man convinced he's a judge on the court of appeals, an enormous black man who's had a lobotomy (the movie's gentle giant who loves popsicles and innocently blundering into the film's more disturbing sequences), and an elderly woman who warns of impending danger before apparently cutting out her own tongue. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As I indicated, most of the film doesn't revolve around a straightforward story. It's more a collection of individual strange scenes, most of which are seemingly unrelated to each other. The movie seemed so disjointed that at times I wondered if this was a deliberate artistic decision. I watched, theorizing if perhaps each scene was being told from the point-of-view of a different mental patient. I came to no definite conclusions, but I state at times it can be difficult to tell whether a director is going for something artsy and meaningful, or if he has simply just lost his mind.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The asylum itself also goes beyond the usual conventions of the closed-door set. While there are rare intrusions from the outside world into the movie, for the most part the characters are emotionally and mentally isolated from the rest of the world – but not physically. In other movies (say, for example, THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL), the characters may wish to leave their creepy location, but are prevented from doing do via a plot convenience. Here, leaving the house just doesn't seem to occur to anyone for most of the movie, even if doing so would behoove them greatly. It either adds to the dream-like feeling the film possesses (if you're feeling charitable) or is another oversight by the writer (if you're not).</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I'm giving this film a slightly positive rating based solely on the fact that it didn't bore me. It puzzled me, confused me and disgusted me, but I can't say I was bored. Even the middle section which does drag on and on kept from being boring by becoming progressively more insane as time passed.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">On the other hand, trying to take this seriously is an uphill endeavor (made more arduous by the fact that the film seems to take itself extremely seriously). Trying to find any logic to most of this stuff is next to impossible. To be fair, there is an extremely neat plot twist near the end. Part of my surprise was no doubt based on the fact that I hadn't even expected anything approaching cause-and-effect. But even starting with extremely low expectations, you can see moments where someone obvious put some thought into this.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The production itself looks very low-budget. I wouldn't be surprised if it was filmed in one of the production crew's parents' house over a three-day weekend. It's a very sparse set which gives the film a visually bleak flavor. It's a disturbingly claustrophobic feeling; the exact opposite of those 1950s horror movies that took place inside massive, spacious mansions with foreboding shadows. Here you can immediately imagine trying to squeeze past one of the house's inmates in a narrow, too brightly-lit hallway while they make their way towards one of the bare, tiny rooms. It's depressing to watch even before you take into account the murders, the madness and the mayhem.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">It's hard to tell if the picture and sound of Digiview Productions release are a decent reproduction. The image is often overly whitewashed, but that may have been what the original production crew intended. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">However, there is some censoring present which will no doubt offend the purists. While a Digiview disc of a different movie that I watched simply pixelled out the nudity leaving the scene more or less intact, here they seem to have taken out the scissors and clumsily removed any frame containing the nude form (and possibly any frames which happened to be nearby). This renders one scene completely incomprehensible. We go straight from the beginning of a sex scene, jump to some random images of people's faces and end in one of the participants leaping up and down on a bed, laughing hysterically and flinging laundry out of a door. In any other movie this would appear odd; here, it seems about par for the course.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Presumably, the producers felt they could play fast and loose with logic, based on the idea that a movie about crazy people doesn't have to make any sense. It sort of works. While I can't see myself ever wanting to watch it again, I did enjoy the mental explosions that went off in my head as I tried to make some kind of sense of the images presented before me. This is not for the faint of stomach, or for anyone prone to headaches. But if the cinematic equivalent of a mental breakdown combined with 1970s horror gore is something that sounds appealing to you, then you should give this one a look.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-20167376696005395042016-06-15T20:33:00.000-07:002016-06-15T20:33:05.054-07:00Mr. Atlas (1997)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx6uXXvNAuYlIEWAHJr8lg44HM2ITWdkDlnyf8aVkmmYaKnnNNww0vGB4m6fgqTEvr2XARvvHQoNO1v9Iuw6qt1Hb4IoZ5Hs5bhBydDxNUcrFAiLOnBOKeUMbdFYedrC7V6v4-0xvvv8ue/s1600/B000FJKJCU.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx6uXXvNAuYlIEWAHJr8lg44HM2ITWdkDlnyf8aVkmmYaKnnNNww0vGB4m6fgqTEvr2XARvvHQoNO1v9Iuw6qt1Hb4IoZ5Hs5bhBydDxNUcrFAiLOnBOKeUMbdFYedrC7V6v4-0xvvv8ue/s320/B000FJKJCU.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Mr. Atlas</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Diederik, T.J. Lowther, Laura Johnson and Timothy Bottoms</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Karen Arbeeny </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: Rachel Gordon</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Kids</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1997</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-1-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Once, while not enjoying the fruits of my explorations through the one dollar DVD bin at Wal*Mart, I thought to myself that there is very little that is less endurable than a comedy film that fails at being funny. It turns out that the sliver of awfulness that is worse is a bad kid's movie.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">There's something about a uninspired children's film that causes everyone involved to forget everything they learned in film school. The writing becomes lazy. The actors go completely over the top. The director relies on gimmicks. I presume that people involved with the production assume that children don't know the difference between good movie-making and bad, and therefore simply do whatever comes easiest and hope no one in the target audience notices. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The truth, of course, is that naturally children know when something is good or bad. They may not be able to articulate it, but they are fully aware of when a piece of entertainment is causing them to yawn, shift uncomfortably in their chairs, or simply become violently ill due to its complete awfulness.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">This particular piece of nonsense -- MR ATLAS -- posits that the Atlas of Greek mythology (you'll remember him as the Titan who holds the weight of the world on his shoulder) has been trapped in a cave in Utah for these past millennia. Released from his bonds by a supposedly precocious ten-year-old boy (Danny), he vows to serve this child as his servant, teaching this youngster about, um, life stuff, while uncomfortably flirting with the kid's hot aunt.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Now the funny thing is that I imagine anyone reading this won't have actually seen this film. And yet you probably know exactly how this plot (what there is of it) is going to unfold.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Atlas will be introduced to the modern world. He'll complain about how bad the air smells nowadays. He'll be dumbfounded by cars. He'll talk in flowery language about his chick who lives in the heavens.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">There's just one thing missing, you say: the bad guy. The film needs some kind of smarmy villain. Not an overly powerful super-villain. Just someone greedy and self-serving, someone who's after money for money's sake, and who doesn't have any real motivation to be in the film except to hate the kid and serve as a foil to Atlas.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Enter Timothy Bottoms. He's not just the villain, he's also the sole reason I bought this damn DVD (I usually draw the line on this side of purchasing kid's movies, no matter how cheap they are). Bottoms is notable for having played President George W. Bush in the short lived Trey Parker and Matt Stone Comedy Central sitcom, "That's My Bush!". Here, Bottoms is playing an evil, manipulative businessman, only interested in using people to obtain the natural resources on their property, and with an unfortunate tendency to wave guns around and shoot innocents. That's right; the man famous for playing George Bush is here portraying a man exactly like Dick Cheney. (And for anyone keeping track at home, Bottoms' henchman is a dumb, slow, unintelligent, amiable dope who has a habit of repeating exactly what Bottoms has just said. Make of that what you will.)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I'll discuss the plot now, only out of a sense of obligation rather than the joy I would otherwise experience from introducing people to something new. Actually, I think I accidentally described most of the plot already. Danny is a typical bullied, preyed-upon ten-year-old being raised by his aunt after the clichéd death of his parents. The only major figures in his life are his wealthy aunt (nice, but gullible), his aunt's boyfriend (Timothy Bottoms), and the stereotypical drunken Irishman who tends to the aunt's ranch and dispenses recycled and uninspired stories about local hidden treasure.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Danny fancies himself as an explorer (his parents were archaeologists) and goes off in search of hidden treasure. His quest brings him to a hole in the ground. His encounter with this geographic feature is to do exactly what movie heroes have done for decades before him. He falls into it. All is not lost though (we're less than fifteen minutes into the film at this point). He accidentally releases Atlas from his millennia-long sleep, which promptly puts the audience into a slumber of a similar duration. (Though in a genuinely nice nod to the original myths, apples made of gold are strewn throughout Atlas' cave). </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">From here on out, the plot takes the expected aforementioned "twists". Evil boyfriend tries to trick the aunt into signing away the rights to the land containing the golden apples; dumb Atlas gets a haircut and tries to figure out how underpants work. A fact which may only amuse me is that the actor/model playing Atlas is named in the credits only as "Diederik". It's rare to find a person with only one name who can act, and if you're looking for one here, you can keep searching.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Perhaps I am being unfair to this movie; after all I am not a younger person and clearly this movie wouldn't be aimed at me. However, I am confident that children would have better taste than to enjoy this movie. Perhaps one must be extremely young, say, still residing in a womb to extract pleasure from MR ATLAS. Or maybe by "younger", the filmmakers were aiming at "younger" on an evolutionary scale. There may indeed be a group of dull monkeys out there, huddled around their DVD players and requesting to watch again "The one with big, smart Mr. Atlas! Ooo oooo oooooo!"</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1-end" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-2393840865991425992016-06-14T20:25:00.000-07:002016-06-14T20:25:07.409-07:00Diamondbacks (1998)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXnxH0SNepXIK21nb-qr0x8s2X2Eujr6KQNAAbSPkZ6nP_wRRqm1VIf_NEAXEqrj3KkmDdoSWiftGOIOKgKPiI7_-wYamik6CeITGLNG7ME2z0ESXZ64ubAxV0DVocuu5KsFOpbV98zqhI/s1600/3035024128a08379dca3b010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXnxH0SNepXIK21nb-qr0x8s2X2Eujr6KQNAAbSPkZ6nP_wRRqm1VIf_NEAXEqrj3KkmDdoSWiftGOIOKgKPiI7_-wYamik6CeITGLNG7ME2z0ESXZ64ubAxV0DVocuu5KsFOpbV98zqhI/s320/3035024128a08379dca3b010.jpg" width="222" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Diamondbacks</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Miles O'Keeffe, Chris "Son of Robert" Mitchum and Timothy Bottoms</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Bernard Salzmann </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: Rachel Gordon</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Action</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1998</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-2-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br />
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<br />I bought DIAMONDBACKS primarily because of two of the names on the cover.<br /><br />1) Miles O'Keeffe. I fondly remember the joke from the CAVE DWELLERS episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" when O'Keeffe's name appears in the opening credits. "How much Keeffe is in this movie?" asks one of the crew. The answer: "*Miles* O' Keeffe".<br /><br />2) Timothy Bottoms. When I saw that name, I desperately tried to remember why it was so familiar. Suddenly, it came to me. Timothy Bottoms portrayed President Bush in the short lived Trey Parker and Matt Stone sitcom from 2001, "That's My Bush!".<br /><br />With those two happy names in the credits, I figured that they'd make the movie at minimum bearable. I mean, a George Bush look-a-like in an action movie has to be worth at least a chuckle, right?<br /><br />Wrong.<br /><br />Mostly, because this movie is far too boring to be much fun.<br /><br />The film opens with NASA shuttle Atlantis successfully lifting off. The televised launch angers a lot of white guys living out in the middle of nowhere. It turns out that the shuttle is not just a force for science; it's also carrying a new super spy-satellite that will allow the United States government to track everyone in the world including its own citizens. And it turns out the angry drifters aren't just grumpy and disaffected; they're also all members of a militia group bend on cutting the government down to size.<br /><br />This militia (called "Diamondbacks") means business. How do we know they mean business? Because we watch them endlessly packing up every piece of military equipment and dark clothing they posses in a sequence that seems to last as long as the entirety of THE WACKIEST WAGON TRAIN IN THE WEST. And if that isn't torture enough, minutes later we're treated to an even more lengthy sequence where the militia plant explosives in the town courthouse. I'm sure the viewer was supposed to be impressed by how hard they are, but all I got out of it (while trying to stay awake) is that this militia is great at sneaking around in the dark and taking a long time to put pieces of equipment next to other pieces of equipment.<br /><br />Diamondback's plan is to take over the remote communications station which relays all communications activity between NASA ground control and the shuttle. After invading this location (out in the desert with no guards and only two technicians on duty), they will transmit a computer virus onto the satellite which would give them compete control. And this should give you, gentle reader, an idea of the kind of implausible situations, clichéd scenes and cardboard characterizations that make this movie the trainwreck that it is.<br /><br />I'm guessing that the real NASA -- understaffed they may be -- would post at least one rent-a-cop at the door to their only link to the shuttle. The only thing they use to deter potential terrorism threats is an unassuming stop sign on the road leading into the complex. I have yet to hear of a terrorist who kills freely and risks death, but who has a fanatic devotion to obeying state and local traffic laws.<br /><br />Several plot points are only possible because the film's protagonist has the uncanny ability to telephone straight in to a local radio DJ multiple times. Not only does she seem to work at the station morning, noon, and night, he must be her sole listener. (Had any of the screenwriters ever tried calling a radio station? Even when you're not trying to win free U2 tickets, it's a near impossible feat to accomplish even once in a day.)<br /><br />Now, it's a bit unfair of me to criticize the movie for not being realistic when I bought it in the hopes of it merely being amusing. Unfortunately, the movie isn't terribly distracting or entertaining. Instead of goofy, silly scenes, I just got long drawn-out scenes of guys growling boring clichés at each other. If you're going to have a film with nothing but clichés, make them fun, over the top clichés. No overbearing boss shouting at his underlings. No self-righteous bad guy. No protagonist worrying about his wife and little girl at home. Been there; done that; seen it on "Mystery Science Theater".<br /><br />Worse than characters growling speeches at each other are the action sequences. I realize that it's incredibly difficult to make a good chase sequence with not a lot of money, but I've seen other movies do a lot more with a lot less. At some point during the filming, someone needed to point out that it just wasn't working. If all you have are four vehicles and one long, straight dirt road, then maybe two extended chase scenes aren't in your film's best interests. (Actually, I should give the director some credit, because when the chases move outside of the vehicles and the characters are chasing each other around the power-station equipment, it approaches interesting. It's a pity though that those scenes end up being marred by the extremely fake sound effects on the guns.)<br /><br />Apart from the film's obligatory easily-bamboozled henchmen, there were a few characters worth watching. I liked Miles O'Keeffe as the head of the Diamondback militia, if only because he managed to make all of his speeches perfectly through clenched teeth.<br /><br />I will also admit to being amused by Timothy Bottoms' physical resemblance to President George W. Bush. And if the thought of Bush as the clear-headed, quick-thinking, no-nonsense manager of all NASA ground operations doesn't bring at least a smile to your face, then there's no hope of you extracting any enjoyment from this movie.</div>
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Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-14721396886751543842016-06-09T09:32:00.000-07:002016-06-09T09:32:01.982-07:00The Wackiest Wagon Train In The West (1976)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Wackiest Wagon Train In The West</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Bob Denver, Forrest Tucker</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Directors: Jack Arnold, Earl Bellamy, Bruce Bilson, Oscar Rudolph </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Ron Friedman, Howard Ostroff, Brad Radnitz, Elroy Schwartz, Sherwood Schwartz </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Comedy</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1976</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-1-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br />
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The movie called THE WACKIEST WAGON TRAIN IN THE WEST is actually a clumsily edited together collection of four episodes of Bob Denver's 1970s TV show, "Dusty's Trail". The creators of this DVD were obviously trying to cash in on the popularity of Gilligan's Island. The back cover mentions the word "Gilligan" no less than five times. This is not a surprise, given that "Dusty's Trail" itself simply took the premise and characters of "Gilligan's Island" and transplanted them into the Old West.<br /><br />Instead of seven modern castaways, we have seven Nineteenth Century prospectors taking a less-than-direct route from St. Louis to California. The characters themselves have a precise isomorphic relationship to their "Gilligan's Island" counterparts. Bob Denver plays Dusty, who's clumsy, fumbling, and always managing to get everyone into trouble. Forrest Tucker ("F-Troop") is the replacement Skipper, called the Wagonmaster, who's in charge of the party. There's a smart guy, a rich guy (and his wife) and a simple small-town girl. The replacement Ginger is either a saloon girl or a prostitute, depending on how charitable you're feeling.<br /><br />If that's not enough for you, the Skipper keeps referring to Gilligan... Sorry, I mean the Wagonmaster keeps referring to Dusty as his "little pal" instead of his "little buddy".<br /><br />Growing up, I watched as much Nick At Nite as the next fellow. But until I bought this DVD, I'd never even heard of "Dusty's Trail" before.<br /><br />Odd – I thought – since Bob Denver and Forrest Tucker are well-known classic TV stars.<br /><br />Then, later, not odd at all – I thought – because the episodes on this DVD are absolutely terrible.<br /><br />The comparisons made to "Gilligan's Island" by the DVD company and by commentators on the Internet are all perfectly valid. But they may leave a false impression on the reader. You see, "Gilligan's Island" was funny. It was silly. It was stupid. It was corny. It was predictable. But at least it made you laugh, even if you were laughing at the banality of the material. But WACKIEST WAGONTRAIN has none of this going for it.<br /><br />Now let's move on the the film itself. When producers edit together episodes of a TV show into a feature-length production, it's interesting to note what will be used as a central theme to pull these disparate stories together. When the Ben Murphy classic RIDING WITH DEATH was edited together from two episodes of the short-lived "Gemini Man", the producers based the movie around two guest-starring appearances by Jim Stafford as Buffalo Bill. Sure it was goofy. Sure it required an awkwardly dubbed voice over to explain why a character's facial hair suddenly changes halfway through the movie. But at least it was somewhat coherent.<br /><br />The four episodes of "Dusty's Trail" here have absolutely nothing to do with one another, which makes one wonder why they bothered removing the opening and closing credits from in between them.<br /><br />Still, in the pursuit of ill-advised thoroughness, I'll offer a quick summary of each episode.<br /><br />Act I: Let There Be Bob Denver.<br /><br />The movie opens with the TV show's theme music. The theme song tells the story of who these people are, and how they got to where they are. Think the "Gillian's Island" theme, only not as catchy.<br /><br />The initial epoch involves Dusty accidentally rescuing a young Native American boy from a bear. After this genuine act of kindness, the movie spends the next half an hour or so insulting Native Americans.<br /><br />Actually, it's probably not as insulting as it could possibly have been. Although that may just be that the sight of white guys in red paint tapping their hands against their mouths, making "Wooo-oooo-oooo!" noises and dancing around other white guys who are tied to oversized wooden posts is something we've become deadened to in our pop culture.<br /><br />Act II: Dusty Falls Off A Horse, Ad Nauseum<br /><br />This second work involves Dusty finding a horse, not realizing it belongs to someone else and then being sentenced to death for the crime. Sadly, this does not result in the death of Dusty. Instead the plot revolves around Dusty falling off a horse, falling off a horse, falling off a horse and falling off a horse.<br /><br />I'm not kidding about that. A major subplot involves Dusty "breaking in" the horse. The scenes go on and on. You can picture it already, can't you? If your mind's eye reveals endless footage of a stunt double wildly bouncing up and down on a real bronco with quick close-up inserts of Bob Denver on a mechanical deer, then you can safely fast-forward through this episode without missing anything.<br /><br />Act III: Full Mental Drag-act<br /><br />The travelers are ambushed by two dangerous bandits who demand some quality time with the second rate Ginger and the third rate Mary Ann. Naturally they're fooled by seeing Bob Denver and Forrest Tucker in drag. It will come as no surprise when later in the episode, these two Einsteins surrender to an army composed primarily of Bob Denver, cooking utensils and baking flour.<br /><br />Act IV: Let This Be Your Last Episode!<br /><br />(It was at this point that I fell into complete despair. You see, I knew that this was a half-hour show and that the DVD box listed the running time at an hour and a half. So I figured after three episodes I'd come to the end. You have no idea how far down I sank into my chair when the closing credits failed to scroll upon my screen and I realized I had one more segment to endure.)<br /><br />The travelers wander into an apparent ghost-town, only to get trapped inside by gun-tooting outlaws. After some excruciatingly long-winded sequences involving a donkey, explosives and disguises (unfortunately, not all at the same time), the movie shudders to a conclusion.<br /><br />I don't think it's possible to describe how unbelievably tedious this movie is. I attempted to watch this movie a second time to help writing this review, but I just couldn't get through without liberal use of the fast-forward button. I now know why this Bob Denver vehicle rarely sees the light of day. And, now, I'm just a little bit deader inside.</div>
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Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-4568545848419975642016-06-08T19:34:00.000-07:002016-06-08T19:34:09.676-07:00Rescue From Gilligan's Island (1978)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Rescue From Gilligan's Island</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Bob Denver, Alan Hale Jr., Jim Backus, Natalie Schafer, Judith Baldwin, and the rest</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Leslie H. Martinson</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: David Harmon, Al Schwartz, Elroy Schwartz, Sherwood Schwartz </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Comedy</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1978</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-4-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br />
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Fifteen years after that three-hour tour and not much has changed on Gilligan's Island. Gilligan and the Skipper are still too dumb to realize that if they built another hut, the Skipper wouldn't have to listen to Gilligan's snoring all night. The Howells are still wealthy and clueless. The Professor is still building wacky stuff out of coconuts and Mary Ann is still cramming her ass into those eye-wateringly tight shorts.<br /><br />Of course, there is one change. The movie star is now played by Judith Baldwin instead of Tina Louise, which means that she now looks completely different to and is over ten years younger than the real Ginger. Oh well, I was always a Mary Ann man myself.<br /><br />Let's begin at the beginning. For starters, anyone with ears will notice that the Digiview Productions version of this TV movie ships without the opening and closing theme song. Not that the credits are missing, they're run accompanied by a dignified silence. Presumably Digiview didn't have the rights to the distinctive Gilligan's Island music, even though they tend to release films that are public domain.<br /><br />I have read about something like this concerning the status of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 episodes. Just because a film has fallen into public domain, it doesn't follow that the whole movie is now free for all. It's possible that after the film company's rights have expired, individual copyrights then revert to the original creators. So while no one may exclusively own the entire film, pieces of it may now be owned by different individuals or companies (i.e. the rights to music, the ownership of the title, etc). This is why you will sometimes see films on MST3k with the original title and opening/closing credits lopped off and a new title and material shoved in their places.<br /><br />I have no idea if that's what happened in this case, but I thought it was interesting enough to share.<br /><br />In any event, Gilligan discovers an odd metal disc washed up on the beach. Using this, the Professor fixes his barometer just in time to discover a major tsunami is headed for the island. (I know barometers and tsunamis don't work that way. Don't tell me; tell the Professor.) Facing certain destruction, the castaways decide to tie all their huts together to form a large boat and let the tidal wave sweep them into the shipping lanes. For added safety, they each decide to tie themselves to poles inside the boat while the storm is raging. If anyone reading this has any bizarre bondage fantasy involving any Gilligan's Island character, then this is definitely your DVD. (Shame on you!)<br /><br />The scheme works, and the former castaways find themselves back among civilization. They each go their separate ways, although they come to discover that life off the island isn't as rewarding as they thought it would be. Indeed at one point, the Professor tries to tie their various misadventures in modern life to the Seven Deadly Sins, but I'm fairly certain that they don't. Of course, I wasn't expecting much from any biblical allusions in RESCUE FROM GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.<br /><br />I won't give away the exact details of the ending. But given that there were several follow-on TV movies featuring the words "Gilligan's Island" in the title, you shouldn't be totally surprised by the conclusion.<br /><br />Meanwhile while all that other stuff is going on, it turns out that the metal disc Gilligan found had fallen off of a Soviet spy satellite (complete with recycled Star Trek sound effects). Obviously, this means that two bungling agents must stalk Gilligan to recover their equipment. This subplot springs from nowhere and at the end, to nowhere it returns.<br /><br />For better or worse, this is exactly like the TV show. All it lacks is a laugh track. Of course, it looks as though it had about the same amount of money spent on it as the original. One assumes the boat scenes were filmed in Sherwood Schwartz's bathtub.<br /><br />The similarity to the TV series is probably why I liked it. You know exactly what kind of corny, stupid jokes you're going to get. Gilligan is going to do something stupid. The Skipper is going to sit on something freshly painted. The Skipper is going to smack Gilligan with his hat. I had worried that a show that worked better in small doses would be too ridiculous when stretched to 90 minutes, but surprisingly a quick pace prevents this.<br /><br />There are also some good gags based on everything that the crew missed while on the island. Skipper laments skipping the era of the mini-skirt. The castaways are baffled by the identities of President Carter, President Ford and Mr. Watergate.<br /><br />My guess is that this was intended at the time to bring the Gilligan's Island of the past into the present to wring out some nostalgia for times gone by. There are a lot of cracks at "modern" day practices: movies are dirtier than Ginger is expecting, the Professor's university is now more interested in money than academics. But to the viewer of today, it just looks like the filmmakers dropping 60s icons into clichés of the 70s. To the 21st century viewer, they are not back in "today", they are just in a different set of pop culture references.<br /><br />The picture and sound quality on the Digiview Productions release are acceptable, if not actually good. But I'm guessing that if you're trying to impress your friends and enemies with your giant plasma screen and glorious surround sound speakers, this wouldn't be the movie you'd pop into your system anyway.<br /><br />I doubt there's anyone reading this who doesn't already know if they'd like the movie or not. So, in summation, all I have to say is: "It's Gilligan's Island." Those three words will determine your enjoyment level.</div>
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Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-31033975345572449752016-06-02T19:24:00.000-07:002016-06-02T19:24:46.378-07:00Dementia 13 (1963)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Dementia 13</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: William Campbell, Luana Anders, Bart Patton</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Francis Ford Coppola </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Francis Ford Coppola, Jack Hill</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1963</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-2-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">There are two powerful names in the credits. The first name belongs to the director and co-writer, although his wasn't a powerful name when the movie was young. Yes, this is one of Francis Ford Coppola's (credited as Francis Coppola) earliest films, and therefore a lot is expected of it. But the other name is an equal and opposite name. Threatens the credits: "Produced by Roger Corman."</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">When good reputations go up against bad reputations, who comes out on top? In this case, Corman is the dubious winner, because -- while I thought this film did have its moments -- it's ultimately something of a mess.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The story revolves around a wealthy Irish family. And while the film was actually shot in Ireland, it did so with a predominantly non-Irish cast. None of the main actors attempts an Irish accent, which is probably a good thing based on the effort made by one of the secondary characters.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">This family underwent a tragedy six years previous, when the young daughter of the house accidentally drowned in a pond on the estate. Every year, the family gather to remember Kathleen on the anniversary of her death. Despite the fact that her siblings are now grown men (the script states that six years has passed, but the age of the actors would suggest more time), the family can not emotionally move beyond this calamity. And now -- for no real good reason -- a serial killer decides to start picking off anyone who happens to be in the area.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">DEMENTIA 13 is actually two different styles of horror movie put into the same film. It's attempting a creepy psychological edge while simultaneously putting itself forward as a slasher film. Personally, I thought it failed at both.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Usually films will kill off the boring, secondary characters first, leaving behind a smaller group of more interesting, more rounded people. Unfortunately, this serial killer has the bad habit of killing (or incapacitating) the more developed characters early on, leaving behind bland, faceless plot ciphers. In fact, you could say that the slasher portion of the film is actively at war with the psychological part, because every time the plot starts to take an interesting twist, the psycho killer shows up to kill off the responsible character.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">And the slasher portions of the film don't work because they go on forever and contain absolutely no tension. The scene of the poacher being stalked made me wonder if the poor man was going to die of old age before the crazed murderer would finally make his move.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Most of the movie's flaws stem from the script. Characters have plans that are simultaneously too simplistic and overly convoluted. The resolution to the story's main mystery is so obvious that until it's finally revealed, one can't help but imagine that the twist will be that the obvious villain is actually innocent. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The direction has its good and bad moments. Some of the underwater sequences are particularly effective, and do a good job of establishing Kathleen's death place as an area of eeriness and supernatural evil.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">On the other hand, there's a lot of sloppiness in the direction as well. Take what is now my favorite movie continuity error of all time. A character strips off before diving into the aforementioned pond. No glance is spared at the sight of her giant 1960s-style underpants. After filling the screen with this light-colored pair of panties (which are large enough to crush a major metropolis, if dropped without caution), the director has this young lady jump into the pond. Upon which, her unmentionables have instantly changed color and become dark black. You may think that I'm unfairly picking nits, but this is a typical (if extreme) example of the types of oversights on display all over the place. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As for the actors, I jumped up and down when I realized that one of the brothers was played by William Campbell who I immediately recognized from his role as the squire of Gothos on the original Star Trek series (I'm a nerd). Also, Patrick Magee is here, giving a more subdued performance here as the family doctor than he did in A CLOCKWORK ORANGE.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The picture and sound quality on this Digiview Productions disc is adequate, if not especially good. However, I get the impression that even in the best of circumstances, the film would look somewhat murky anyway.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Maybe if Coppola had stuck to just the psychological thriller aspects of this story, I would have enjoyed it a lot more. There does seem to be a lot of potential. I liked the idea of this family eternally stuck in emotional limbo after a tragedy. I liked the weight of the mother's grief crushing all those around her. But by the end, all the good stuff has been thrown away and we're left with an easy-to-guess serial murder mystery. Oh, and I don't know what the 13 in the title refers to, and by looking around the Internet, I don't think anyone else does either.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-14426831079124780242016-05-31T19:51:00.000-07:002016-05-31T19:51:53.697-07:00Carnival of Souls (1962)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx206tywwXxZmLubyLxAGK3SLBVChqRCbdZcXhJIE9osU336GgjggvHjvoWEpXXFnt1DhQVeKIzEukFTLEFwjhSlapfWWXl-yJmongDJxWk5xIBVqAPOkxO9Jj1HFs6sDHVhqWOv_p-0Gw/s1600/B0007LHBZE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx206tywwXxZmLubyLxAGK3SLBVChqRCbdZcXhJIE9osU336GgjggvHjvoWEpXXFnt1DhQVeKIzEukFTLEFwjhSlapfWWXl-yJmongDJxWk5xIBVqAPOkxO9Jj1HFs6sDHVhqWOv_p-0Gw/s1600/B0007LHBZE.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Carnival of Souls</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Candace Hilligoss</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Herk Harvey</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writer: John Clifford</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1962</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-4-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Two cars drag race on a desolate stretch of road in rural Kansas. One car runs off a bridge, plunges into a deep river and quickly sinks. All three young women inside are assumed dead. However, hours after the crash, one woman emerges from the river, alive and unharmed, but unable or unwilling to explain her miraculous survival.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">That intriguing premise, ladies and gentlemen, is merely the pre-credits opening sequence of CARNIVAL OF SOULS.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I hadn't heard of this movie before. However, quick trips to IMDB and Wikipedia tell me that I should have. It was an cheap, obscure, throwaway flick when it was first released, but has gained a cult following in the decades since. And it's easy to see why. Because despite its flaws, there is a lot of atmosphere and horror here.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The story follows Mary Henry (Candace Hilligoss), the young woman inexplicably left alive when all reason would indicate that she be dead. Following the accident, she leaves town as she has been hired as a church organist in Utah. During her trip, she is haunted by bizarre and unexplainable visions. After her arrival, the sightings continue and she finds herself drawn to a mysterious, abandoned carnival. Also, despite making a serious impression on a man living in her building, she begins temporarily slipping out of reality, unable to make herself seen or heard by those around her.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I'm not the first (nor will I be the last) to notice that CARNIVAL OF SOULS has the definite feel of a lost, elongated episode of THE TWILIGHT ZONE (indeed, it contains similar themes to "The Hitchhiker", although CARNIVAL is creepier and has more going on). This is very atmospheric, very creepy and unsettling. It's the kind of movie you watch and then don't want to look out of dark windows at night because if you don't look, you won't have to see what's out there.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I liked that the central character is both an identification point (we, like her, want to discover what is going on around her) and a enigmatic mystery. How did she survive the car crash? That event must have something to do with her visions, but what is the connection? Why is she drawn to the carnival? </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Of course, I found it difficult to watch CARNIVAL without being distracted by the cheap production values and numerous technical flaws. While occasionally the mistakes add to the atmosphere of confusion, overall they can't help but detract from the film as a whole. Keep in mind that this film gets a lot of attention based on how good it is despite its flaws. So don't go into it expecting perfection.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">However, those flaws almost enhance the genuinely effective moments, because they seem to rise like roses out of, well, if not manure, than certainly ordinary film making. There are many creepy individual shots I'll remember, most of which concern the unnerving ghostly apparitions. Sometimes simple, primitive special effects are more chilling than there expensive counterparts, and the shots of the specters stalking the protagonist are clear evidence of that.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I really enjoyed the ending of the film. Sometimes a script will attempt to explain too much, leaving the movie feeling a little too neat. Other times, the producers will leave things so vague as to render any coherent theory impossible. CARNIVAL hit the magic median for me. I got a lot out of the ending, and was happy to see that while there are numerous theories on-line "explaining" the conclusion, not one of them exactly lines up with my own. I like that about a film.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The inexpensive Digiview Productions release of this DVD is quite watchable, and while I'm sure the Criterion version has a vastly superior picture, this is great for people like me who are discovering this for the first time.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-9307079367652225452016-05-30T20:11:00.001-07:002016-05-30T20:11:27.435-07:00Dancing Pirate (1936)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNvd5BKtWkFSd2sDgG4RoHS3ykr9GkandTuRXTNNtg6t2ViwRE9uWGMJLxyKLClx4eeyzlD_lIChNmfDuWw1XJkWkRIZNsi-9BA6kzh00I-hrE_hK4E9aODyx9GPQYCmIStIAMToYA2HLV/s1600/B000802E6A.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNvd5BKtWkFSd2sDgG4RoHS3ykr9GkandTuRXTNNtg6t2ViwRE9uWGMJLxyKLClx4eeyzlD_lIChNmfDuWw1XJkWkRIZNsi-9BA6kzh00I-hrE_hK4E9aODyx9GPQYCmIStIAMToYA2HLV/s320/B000802E6A.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Dancing Pirate</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Charles Collins, Frank Morgan</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Lloyd Corrigan</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Ray Harris, Francis Edward Faragoh, Emma-Lindsay Squier (story), Jack Wagner (adaptation) and Boris Ingster (adaptation)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Musical</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1936</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-2-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">THE DANCING PIRATE billed itself as "the first dancing musical in 100% new technicolor." Now, you may be wondering to yourself (even if you're not a fan of musicals) why on Earth you've never heard of this film before. One would think that such a cinematic first would be less obscure. Few people today have seen THE JAZZ SINGER, but many more would recognize the title as being the first talkie.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Well, I'll tell you why you've never heard of this technicolor marvel. Because it's no damn good, that's why.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Now, granted the cheap DVD version of this film is actually a scratchy black and white print rather than the full color experience. However, I doubt that seeing this film in technicolor would improve it significantly, even if the producers had managed to invent some new color and painted Harry Morgan's mustache with it.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">And before I get to the plot summary, I need to point out an annoyance courtesy of the DVD cover concerning the actor in the previous paragraph. At the end of the description on the box, the simple sentence follows: "Frank Morgan (of MASH TV series fame) costars."</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Well, almost. Frank Morgan (who is indeed in this film and best known as the cinematic Wizard of Oz) died of a heart attack in 1949. The MASH television series began in 1972. Clearly someone over at Digiview got Frank Morgan confused with Harry Morgan (who played Colonel Potter on MASH). Harry Morgan, however, does not appear in this film. I've tried cutting back on criticism of Digiview's grammar and factual errors, but this is far too egregious to ignore.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The plot is simple and silly (although, to be fair, musicals aren't really supposed to have very involved storylines). The opening slide informs us of the setting: Boston, 1820. At this locale is a flamboyant dancing instructor teaching his class about a new craze called "the waltz". While horrifying the older generation because of the increased male-female physical contact, his students are pleased. He closes his class, leaves the building and is immediately hit over the head and kidnapped by pirates. Taken onboard the pirate vessel, he is now forced to perform menial tasks for the ship's cook.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Fortunately, these are singularly unobservant pirates, so he rapidly escapes them, and finds himself in a small Hispanic village somewhere in California. He is immediately mistaken for a real pirate and sentenced to death. However, his sentence is commuted on condition that he teach the villagers to dance. This gives the dancing pirate (who isn't a pirate at all) the opportunity to dance a lot, give waltz lessons to the film's audience and fall in love with the movie's love-interest with whom he has absolutely no chemistry and who happens to be the daughter of the village's leader.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Rereading my description of the plot, I'm realizing that it's far goofier and hokier on paper than when I was actually watching it. I suppose it says something that the film manages to convey a fairly strong suspension of disbelief. On the other hand, you could point out that the script totally fails to capitalize on what could be a very entertaining premise. The plot summary makes it sound like a bad film, but a bad film that could be fun. Unfortunately, it isn't. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">One of the first things that jumped out at me in the opening few scenes is how appallingly low-budget the film looks. It looks like a small high school did a production of this and then the movie crew simply filmed on the same sets. It's hard to take the film seriously when it looks like one mistimed twirl could take down half the village.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">But the worst thing about the lack of money spent on the film is that these period musicals only really work if they look spectacular. Like them or not, those MGM musicals of the '30s and '40s looked epic. Picture in your mind those giant dance numbers with dozens of extras and enormous towering sets. Even if you don't care for the overall experience (and I generally don't), one can still appreciate all the time and painstaking effort that must have occurred to produce something so overwhelming, intricate and energetic. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">You simply do not get that effect here. It doesn't look special. It doesn't look extraordinary. It just looks like a small number of guys jumping around a movie studio. The costumes are bland; the sets are uninspired. And moving beyond the mere budget, there just isn't anything imaginative about any of this. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The acting is acceptable. Our hero is played by Charles Collins. He spends 50% of his screen time with a cheesy Howard Dean grin plastered onto his face, which makes him a bit difficult to accept as a) a strong protagonist and b) as someone who could reasonably be mistaken for a pirate.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As mentioned, Frank Morgan appears in this film, and -- bizarrely -- he appears to be playing the exact same character from THE WIZARD OF OZ, albeit without access to the impressive equipment that allowed that wizard to rule by fear. He's the same bumbling man behind the curtain. So much so that you almost expect him to leave the movie in a hot air balloon shouting, "I can't come back; I don't know how it works!" </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">One thing about this character I could figure out was how Morgan became leader of this village given that it's clearly a Hispanic village, and Morgan obviously isn't. I suppose we should be grateful that Morgan doesn't attempt a Mexican accent or use Charlton Heston's TOUCH OF EVIL makeup.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As for what's left, I personally got nothing out of the singing and dancing. Usually with musicals, I can at least remember some of the more catchy tunes, even if I don't actually like them. But none of them stayed in my mind more than an instant after "The End" appeared on the screen. On the subject of the dancing, I tried to teach myself the waltz from the endless sequences where he teaches the steps, but I had about as much luck from this film as I did from the free salsa dancing tutorial DVDs I once got in the mail.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">You might get some enjoyment out of the film by asking your friends to come over with a few adult beverages and giving this the full Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment. But even then, this is a film to be endured, not enjoyed.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-82870812606639230902016-05-29T18:55:00.000-07:002016-05-29T18:55:46.620-07:00Two Weeks To Live (1943)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz9OY7XEbzLUTaamqTFE4yAFy4rzjpGuINnaSJ7tSmMjR-Hs2iCHnKjGeaOh298EFZGvEIkFZ8Zc-_aIDK-xe1cHQhtCxc680i7QMxvZBZHNapsMstoI7NmglxWNTW5iLtSRefDfTmV8K2/s1600/MV5BMTMwMzA3NTc5OV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDU5OTQyMQ%2540%2540._V1_UY268_CR2%252C0%252C182%252C268_AL_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz9OY7XEbzLUTaamqTFE4yAFy4rzjpGuINnaSJ7tSmMjR-Hs2iCHnKjGeaOh298EFZGvEIkFZ8Zc-_aIDK-xe1cHQhtCxc680i7QMxvZBZHNapsMstoI7NmglxWNTW5iLtSRefDfTmV8K2/s1600/MV5BMTMwMzA3NTc5OV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDU5OTQyMQ%2540%2540._V1_UY268_CR2%252C0%252C182%252C268_AL_.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Two Weeks To Live</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Lum and Abner</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Malcolm St. Clair</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Roswell Rogers and Michael L. Simmons</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Comedy</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1943</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-3-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I had no idea who Lum and Abner were before I bought this DVD, so I did a little Internet research before I watched this moving picture. (Yes, I do research for these reviews. Stop laughing). Lum and Abner got their start in radio, starring in a serial comedy simply titled "Lum and Abner", each episode running 15 minutes. The series lasted thirteen weeks a year starting in 1932 and finishing in 1954 with minor changes to the format in that time. In 1940, they began supplementing their radio entertainments with feature length movies using the same characters and fictional setting.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Their celebrity doesn't seem to have lasted into the modern age as memorably as Laurel and Hardy, or Abbott and Costello, but they were extremely popular in their day. The series was set in the fictional town of Pine Ridge, Arkansas, which based itself and its inhabitants on the real town and colorful characters of Waters, Arkansas. According to the Wikipedia, the popularity of this radio series led to a name change. The town of Waters, Arkansas became Pine Ridge, Arkansas, the name of the fictional locale it had inspired.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Based only on viewing this movie, I can see how their comedy may not have aged as well as others of this time. The jokes seemed a little lame to this modern viewer. The punchlines are obvious about half a beat before the characters even begin reciting them. They don't even have the extreme groan-inducing corniness power of a Wheeler and Woolsey film. That said, I did enjoy this movie, though I doubt I will ever feel the need to watch it again. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Introductions aside, here's how the movie proceeds. Lum and Abner are two elderly hillbillies living in the middle of nowhere in rural Arkansas. A letter slowly makes its way to Abner and informs him that he has inherited a railroad company from his deceased Uncle Ernie. Abner names himself the railway's chief conductor and Lum talks himself into becoming the company's president.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Lum, as president, decides that the railroad needs to have a stop in Pine Ridge, so they sell shares in the company to the townsfolk and use the money to buy all the land needed to divert the rail. However, once they arrive in Chicago and see the railroad for themselves, they realize that there has been a serious misunderstanding (a staple of all these type of films). They've completely wasted the townsfolk's money, and will need to find some way of raising money to pay back their neighbors.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Later, at the lawyer's office building Abner falls down a flight of stairs. He's taken to a doctor's office, but due to a mix up, he mistakenly believes that he has only two weeks to live (you saw that coming from the title, didn't you?). Given Abner's condition and their own desperate situation (and egged on by a friendly, Shakespeare-quoting window-washer), Lum decides that Abner should sell himself out as a daredevil, figuring that even if Abner kills himself in some crazy stunt, he's only going to miss out on two weeks anyway.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I found the first portion of the film a bit slow going and relatively dull. It's not actively bad, it's just not especially funny or entertaining. The action only really picks up after Abner's misdiagnosis and the subsequent stunts he finds himself performing. This is where the film breaks out of tired "dumb hillbillies in the city" clichés and becomes relatively original.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Among the various stunts that Abner is forced to perform are: painting a flagpole on the top of a skyscraper, staying the night in a haunted house, drinking a mad scientist's potion, and piloting the first rocketship to Mars. These gags aren't laugh-out-loud funny, but they are somewhat amusing, especially in their implementation. For goofiness, I'd put this movie about midway between a Three Stooges film and a Cary Grant comedy -- not exactly a fully zany, off-the-wall experience, but a little more wacky that a straight comedy. I found them to be falling between two stools, but I could see how someone else would enjoy this somewhat gentle sense of humor.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I viewed the Digiview Productions release of this movie. The picture and sound quality are adequate; it's certainly watchable. Given that these comedians are virtually unknown today, I suppose it's only down to luck that a halfway decent print even exists.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I could imagine other period comedy teams taking this simple premise and making a better film from it. The Marx Brothers, for example, would probably create something delightfully perverse (I'm picturing Harpo as the poor schmuck leaping from planes, scaling the sides of buildings and attempting to reach escape velocity). I did enjoy Lum and Abner's take on this, even though I doubt I'll ever feel the need to pop this DVD into the player ever again.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-45085233407094184842016-05-23T18:40:00.000-07:002016-05-23T18:40:02.501-07:00American Vampire (1997)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFLiA1KbSzGnvg1AY0i-RWXEGXgrQY506k5E5anb7qUf1Fu2TJCpUyplIROhiVRqvrX3OBWlFLfCOZFdC1nQhMYmO38MOJ35Fe_CQHjj1zUs8wh-UHe3zrW-qJXUaDgyfvJYRsZpRxhpqa/s1600/51FIbD-dwhL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFLiA1KbSzGnvg1AY0i-RWXEGXgrQY506k5E5anb7qUf1Fu2TJCpUyplIROhiVRqvrX3OBWlFLfCOZFdC1nQhMYmO38MOJ35Fe_CQHjj1zUs8wh-UHe3zrW-qJXUaDgyfvJYRsZpRxhpqa/s320/51FIbD-dwhL.jpg" width="225" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">American Vampire</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Trevor Lissauer, Johnny Venocur, Carmen Electra and Adam West</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Luis Esteban</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Rollin Jarrett</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1997</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-2-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I had high hopes for his film given its genre and cast. It looked like a fun cheesy horror film. A stereotypical teen-slasher film with vampires and lots of blood. Seeing both Carmen Electra and Adam West on the DVD package, I was filled with the hope that perhaps I had stumbled upon an often dreamed of, but elusive to capture treasure: the "so bad it's good" film.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">But the cheesy horror film genre is deceptively difficult to succeed in. You'd think it would be easy to create a dumb, silly, but entertaining film. Yet this one fails where others have failed before. It's greatest crime is that for the much of the proceedings it is utterly and completely dull.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Every bad teen movie cliché is present, from the soft rock "inspirational" soundtrack (follow your dreams, kids!) to the coming-of-age theme to the "is your girlfriend giving it up yet?" conversation to the moral lesson ending (the moral of the story is apparently not to allow Adam West to do your killing for you).</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Getting to the story, the film begins with Frankie's (Trevor Lissauer) obnoxiously rich parents departing for a summer-long vacation, leaving their teenage son behind to take care of the house by himself (something which only parents in silly teen movies do). Frankie has a big dumb friend named Bogie (Danny Hitt, who presumably changed his name from Danny Hitt-Me-Baby-One-More-Time) who is obviously supposed to be the obligatory Bad Influence. Bogie encourages Frankie to do all kinds of wild things, such as bringing an entire six-pack of beer to the beach (amusingly, the beer is obviously Heineken, but the filmmakers obscure the logo with black electrical tape).</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Once at the beach, the wild pair meet "Moondoggie" (Johnny Venokur) who appears right after a bat attacks Bogie which obviously makes Moondoggie the film's main vampire. Bogie -- not knowing that he's in a vampire movie -- ignores the bat-attack (he brushes it off as an angry fish... flying through the air at his neck) and invites Moondoggie over to Frankie's house. Moondoggie arrives the next day and moves into the house with a bevy of gothy weirdos (one of whom is Carmen Electra). At this point, the movie gets stuck in a plotless holding pattern where nothing happens. The gang of vampires won't leave the house and Bruno the Vampire won't stop eating the neighborhood's pets. Wash, rinse, repeat.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">To give you some idea of the movie's missteps, I'm now going to detail the contribution to the film made by TV's silliest Batman, Adam West. For any filmmaker looking to create a goofy, silly, cult horror film, landing Adam West is like having the movie gods throw free publicity at you. Adam West is the King of Camp, and having him in any movie raises it from something that's merely of interest to something that is a must see.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">And I have to say the filmmakers got most of this part right. They hire Adam West. They give him a pony-tail. They make him a beach-bumming, vampire-hunting surfer-guy. They make his character a descendant of van Helsing. They give him a delightfully silly nickname like "The Big Kahuna" (a sick sad part of me would like to believe that West was given this nickname shortly after he was first seen in his Batman tights) . They make his first line a long, exaggerated: "Duuuuuude."</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">How could they possibly screw this up after getting so much right?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Here's how. They only put Adam West in two scenes.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Madness! I honestly don't know what they were thinking. Adam West is by far the most entertaining thing about this film. He's a campy treat every time the camera is on him. So, why on Earth did they give him such a small role? Every scene that he's not in has a huge Adam West-shaped hole.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As for the other celebrity (although she was unknown at the time), Carmen Electra's role of the vampire named Sulka is fairly small (at least smaller than one would presume given that the DVD cover is a giant closeup of her head encased in vampire makeup which she doesn't actually wear in this movie). But it says something about the other actors that Electra's performance is the most restrained of this movie.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The filmmakers do make some attempt to stay true to classic vampire lore. Unfortunately, they're slightly inconsistent. Take, for example, the fact that vampires cannot be exposed to sunlight. The film asserts this in later scenes, but forgets about an earlier sequence where Moondoggie stands and rants right in front of a giant window, bathed in direct sunlight with no apparent ill-effects. There is also some other confusion and I'm not sure if I missed something or the filmmakers were conflating werewolves and vampires. Moondoggie's name is not the only reference; there are multiple scenes with dogs howling at the moon in the background. They don't actually state that the vampires are also werewolves, but these moments completely baffled me.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I think the writer was confused at whether he was writing a straight horror film or a parody of bad horror films. A movie like SCREAM works because it hilariously satirized the conventions of the genre, but still managed to be scary. AMERICAN VAMPIRE doesn't work because it isn't scary, and for the most part it isn't funny. The "jokes" are awful. They aren't even worthy of a groan. It's obvious one-liner followed by obvious one-liner. (On the other hand, I don't care if Adam West kicking in a door and bellowing, "Stop that sucking!" is a Signal From Fred. It's the best moment of the film.)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Also, there are two pointless musical group cameos. The first is Dick Dale and his Del-Tones, a mere three years after PULP FICTION turned on a new generation to their style. The second is a random ska group called Out Of Order, who didn't function well enough to have much of a career after this movie. Both bands are reduced to playing on a sad looking beach to a handful of extras.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">At least a portion of my initial hope was fulfilled. At one point Carmen Electra attempts seducing Adam West. But it's not enough to rescue this film. The movie is less than a decade old, so Digiview Productions' version has excellent picture and sound quality. But you won't be buying this for the extreme digital experience. In fact, you shouldn't be buying this at all. Stay away, except for you Adam West or Carmen Electra fans -- but only those fans who have the ability to fast-forward to just their scenes.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-22200298004692279582016-05-22T20:45:00.000-07:002016-05-22T20:45:05.546-07:00Commandos (1968)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0k2U3RuFG0_ClcPa-4POQizvPM2v6m0Y2OnFcC8yKuZkAaFL3hv24Qg-xpZJETDWPV2Ns_neMkAaQTOj59TcR0OpW4U3MKZoYqlk8RFrewRtbC310og60nQNg_JfYDMoZUrJy_lYy_Waj/s1600/Commandos_1968_poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0k2U3RuFG0_ClcPa-4POQizvPM2v6m0Y2OnFcC8yKuZkAaFL3hv24Qg-xpZJETDWPV2Ns_neMkAaQTOj59TcR0OpW4U3MKZoYqlk8RFrewRtbC310og60nQNg_JfYDMoZUrJy_lYy_Waj/s320/Commandos_1968_poster.jpg" width="172" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Commandos</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Lee Van Cleef, Jack Kelly</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Armando Crispino</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Menahem Golan (short story), Don Martin (story), Artur Brauner (story), Lucio Battistrada, Armando Crispino, Stefano Strucchi, Dario Argento</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: War</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1968</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-3-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"><br /></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I've seen a handful of Spaghetti Westerns, but I've never seen a Spaghetti World War II film. Given that Italy was on the losing end of that particular conflict, I was curious to see how they would portray the event. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As it turns out, COMMANDOS is a relatively interesting war film -- if a little lacking in substance. It's tense in places and exciting enough that I never felt bored. There are better war films out there, but there are also worse.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">During WWII, the Allies are putting together a very special raid. The US Army has assembled a band of Italian-Americans -- all literate in Italian, and all knowing enough to reasonably pass for Italian solders. The mission is to parachute into the northern Africa desert and take possession of a critical oasis. Seems simple enough. Except on the eve of the mission, the commander who was supposed to lead is replaced by a man with a lot of desk-bound experience, but no practical knowledge. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">This infuriates second-in-command Lee Van Cleef (DEATH RIDES A HORSE and "the bad" in THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY), who was not only very close to the original commander, but loathes the fact that he will be lead by an inexperienced yahoo. In a previous mission, Van Cleef was nearly killed because of a know-nothing commander's bungling. His determination to prevent history from repeating itself is what fuels Van Cleef's quietly bubbling anger.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Compared to other, more spectacular files of the genre, COMMANDOS does look a little on the cheap side. But by relegating most of the action to the eponymous commandos, the director is able to wring a lot of tension out of very little money. The film's most intense moments are split between the initial commando raids and the subsequent scenes in which the squad is desperately trying to fool passing convoys into believing that they are indeed all members of the Italian army.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I don't have much to say about the movie, because at the end of the day there isn't much to it. It makes for exciting and entertaining viewing, but not much to think about afterwards. There are numerous attempts to humanize both sides of the conflict and to make the commando's prisoners of war come across as sympathetic characters. And while these moments are successful, they aren't especially original either. Which pretty much sums up my opinion of the film's entirety.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-1503285621840744022016-05-19T20:25:00.000-07:002016-05-19T20:25:10.013-07:00The Giant of Marathon (1959)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Y7KXd_1sF4IBlxyWEa9cZAEr2e4mOIQCABYzVJbGbRV73ODNNJQ1hYVmXa89i10GF1j-3mbOidxAy1eQfMLOt7gm5VyMQ6aVZL02DI5WHXGwKBOI1hu8os9_XgXdj1wUYVeEw3p048gn/s1600/MV5BMTk2MzMxNzMxNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDY4NDgyMQ%2540%2540._V1_UY268_CR3%252C0%252C182%252C268_AL_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Y7KXd_1sF4IBlxyWEa9cZAEr2e4mOIQCABYzVJbGbRV73ODNNJQ1hYVmXa89i10GF1j-3mbOidxAy1eQfMLOt7gm5VyMQ6aVZL02DI5WHXGwKBOI1hu8os9_XgXdj1wUYVeEw3p048gn/s1600/MV5BMTk2MzMxNzMxNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDY4NDgyMQ%2540%2540._V1_UY268_CR3%252C0%252C182%252C268_AL_.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Giant of Marathon (La Battaglia di Maratona)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Steve Reeves, Mylène Demongeot, Sergio Fantoni</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Jacques Tourneur, Mario Bava</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Alberto Barsanti, Ennio De Concini, Augusto Frassinetti, Raffaello Pacini, Bruno Vailati</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Sword and sandal</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1959</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-3-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">One of the few facts offered by the summary on the back of the Digiview Productions DVD case is that THE GIANT OF MARATHON features "a bevy of beautiful actors and actresses outfitted in very skimpy costumes". While I welcome words like "bevy" from a DVD distributor that once put the word "rewenge" (sic) on a front cover, this description -- appealing as it is -- does not suggest that the film will be filled with witty dialog, cunning plot twists and well-drawn, multi-dimensional characters.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">And after viewing the film, I feel my initial suspicions were proved correct. However, this does not make GIANT a bad film. Indeed, I felt this was only half a bad film. The good half of the film is its large-scale battle sequences which are truly staggering and go a long way towards affirming the DVD cover's proclamation of this film as an epic.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">But before we get to the battles, we must discuss the story. You'll remember Steve Reeves from his stint as Hercules in the most famous "sword and sandal" movies (a genre in which this film comfortably sits). Here he plays Phillipides, the eponymous hero, a person defined almost entirely by the characteristics of being huge and strong (I had to keep reminding myself that he wasn't playing Hercules again). Phil opens the movie winning the Olympic Games by being better at throwing pointed sticks, hurling massive stones, running in circles, and all the other sports from before the introduction of aberrations such as Olympic beach volleyball and snowboarding.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">After doing so well at these sports and being declared the champion, he is naturally given the opportunity to head the Athenian army (thankfully this practice of awarding military commands in lieu of gold metals has been discontinued today, thus we are spared the spectacle of Rear Admiral Flying Tomato). Unfortunately, this isn't a cushy Pentagon desk job; these are busy times for the Athenian military. Not only are they facing an impending invasion by the Persians, but there are traitors in their midst. Sadly for Athens' sake, Phil may be an excellent javelin thrower, but he is unable to realize that the Very Obviously Evil character is actually working for his enemies. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Phil basically has two things to accomplish during the course of this film. He wants to win the affection of Andromeda (an Athenian woman, not the galaxy, and apparently no relation to the Andromeda of myth) away from the man her father has declared she will marry. He also must unite Athens and Sparta against the incoming hordes of Persia. Fortunately for Phil, he's a hell of a lot bigger than anyone else, so he can accomplish these goals without too much effort.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The depiction of Ancient Greece is actually not that bad at all. Of course, you must realize that this is an Ancient Greece where both women and men run around in mini-dresses and baggy underpants because dignity would not be invented for hundreds of years. But there are some nice references to actual mythology which should bring a vaguely remembered story out of the far recesses of the audience member's mind. Of course, the movie does take some liberties. Phil, for example, becomes the man behind the story of the first marathon runner (note the film's title). While -- according to legend -- the first marathon runner died after high-tailing the 26.2 miles from Marathon to Athens in order to bring news of the Battle of Marathon, Phil just needs a couple minutes of rest to recover.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">However, for the most part, this is a fairly dull movie. Even allowing for the fact that I'm not a big fan of the sword and sandal genre, this one seemed particularly slow at moving pieces of the story around. The characters need to do things that are obvious, their schemes are predictable, and they take forever to actually do anything.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">That said, when the movie does get around to having something occur, it's surprisingly good at it.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Now keep in mind that I am usually bored by most battle sequences. For my money, large battle sequences are the points in movies where audiences are expected to get up and get themselves a fresh beer or, alternatively, to get up and empty the previous beer from their person. (SAVING PRIVATE RYAN is the ultimate get drunk or get dehydrated movie.) However, this film truly does offer a spectacle worth watching.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">It's not just a bunch of sweaty Italian extras beating the hell out of each other (though there is that); there are some very well staged battle sequences that look extremely impressive and must have taken a lot of time and effort to implement. I don't know if real life huge battles with long lines of soldiers on horses attacking rows of men in fixed shielded positions would have looked exactly like they're portrayed here, but they must have looked damn close.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">While most of the fights look impressive, even the more ludicrous or physically impossible scenes are hard to dislike. Case in point: there's a long underwater battle which would have required the soldiers to hold their breath (while fighting!) for about a quarter of an hour. It's silly on its face, but I won't deny it's still visually spectacular.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">It's hard for me to summarize my overall reaction to this film, because I spent no time between the two extremes of either falling asleep or staring at the screen in awe. So, I'll give this a wishy-washy middling ranking. If you like the sword and sandals genre, then I'm guessing you'll like the Scenes That Didn't Involve Massive Bloodshed a lot more than I did. And even if you don't care for the genre, I dare you not to be impressed by the Scenes That Do Involve Massive Bloodshed.</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-25943169698677819712016-05-18T20:30:00.000-07:002016-05-18T20:30:27.427-07:00The Beatniks (1960)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Beatniks</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Tony Travis, Joyce Terry, Peter Breck, Karen Kadler</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Paul Frees</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Paul Frees, Arthur Julian</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Crime, Drama</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1960</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-2-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I've got a problem with you, THE BEATNIKS. You go around calling yourself THE BEATNIKS and yet you seem to have a fairly large omission. It's a pretty big problem given what you've titled yourself. Simply put, you do not have a single beatnik within you.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I'm not kidding, either. There are no beatniks anywhere to be seen. I don't mean that the portrayal of beatniks is slightly unflattering or inaccurate. I mean that whoever gave this movie its title obviously had no idea what a beatnik is. There is no one in any way resembling a beatnik. No bongos. No berets. No silly facial hair. The last time audiences were so lied to by a film's title was the movie ABBOTT AND COSTELLO GO TO MARS in which Abbott and Costello do not go to Mars.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The story involves young Eddy Crane who is not a beatnik. He has a great voice, but he hangs out with a dangerous gang, none of who are beatniks. Through a chance encounter at a diner with a talent agent (not a beatnik), he is poised to become the next big thing in the music world. Eddy also finds himself torn between two women, neither of which is a beatnik. Iris is his girlfriend, and part of the bad crowd. Helen is the assistant to his new agent and represents a possible new life for himself. (The only members of the cast who aren't hopped up on goofballs are the ones who seem to have OD'ed on Nyquil.)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">In stereotypical form, his old friends seem destined to ruin his big chance and to forever keep him from reaching his potential. You see, they simply can't help getting Eddy mixed up with all manner of criminal activity. No matter how good Eddy's voice, he simply cannot escape his past and his place in society. (The apparent moral of the story would seem to lie in complete contrast to actual beatnik philosophy. Not only is Eddy's quest for fame and fortunate portrayed as a positive goal, the movie itself suggests that there's no getting beyond one's designated station.)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">This is a very simple and dumb movie. It takes 78 minutes to get through the absurdly shallow plot summary given above, and even that relatively short amount of time is a struggle for this movie to fill.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I wasn't prepared for the amount of singing that appeared in this film. There are three songs within the movie's opening twenty minutes. You'll need to prepare yourself not only for the sheer number of songs, but also their bizarre and banal content. There's a song with a chorus of: "Sideburns don't need your sympathy." I assumed I was mishearing it, but after multiple listens, I really think that's what he's singing. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Besides the inaccurate film title, there's a fair amount of fictional false advertising in this movie. In one scene the "beatniks" arrive at Charlie's. Charlie's is a diner with two large signs outside. One says, "Cafe"; the other says, "Beer". Once the gang get inside, they are told that there is no food. And alcohol is not being served. And the only worker is not named Charlie, but Gus.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Given the obvious drawbacks, is there any reason to spend over an hour watching this? It depends on how much enjoyment you get from pure cheese. (Also, if you get off spotting visible boom mikes, then you'll be in heaven.) In a movie like this, the only parts that are enjoyable are the parts that are just ludicrously over the top. Personally, I found those moments to be few and far between; there is too much boring filler between the moments of utter silliness. But, that said, when the movie is unintentionally funny, it is shockingly unintentionally funny.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Take, for example, the scene where a weedy hotel manager is nervously complaining to the "beatniks" about the hotel room they've trashed. The goofiest member of the gang takes care of business. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Does he pull a gun on the hapless employee? </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">No. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Does he roll up his sleeves and threaten the smaller gentlemen with a physical thrashing?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">No.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Does he respond with some stunningly insulting and cutting remark?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">No.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Does he point his finger at the man's neck and loudly growl, "I'm gonna MOON you!"?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Yes. Yes he does.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The picture and sound quality on the Digiview Productions version of this release are adequate. But given that I didn't like the movie, I didn't care much about whether I was seeing it in its full digital glory. In retrospect, I wish the sound quality had been a little worse. At least during some of the musical numbers.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Whoever gave this movie its moniker really should have called it something like THE HOODLUMS or THE HOODS or THE COMPLETELY UNIMAGINATIVE MOVIE FULL OF PLOT POINTS AND CLICHÉS YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN BEFORE. If you want to get some fun out of this movie, I recommend watching it with someone who has seen it before and can tell you where the silly parts are. Just make sure you fast forward through everything else.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">(I didn't realize before I bought the DVD, but this movie has been featured in an episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000". Now all the jokes I cracked while suffering through this are going to seem a lot less funny when I finally see that episode.)</span>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7986568833623079908.post-20152322344494263032016-05-17T18:19:00.000-07:002016-05-17T18:19:46.845-07:00The Bat (1959)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizloLb3Wl9Y2qEPoGF3cKAf-qVEowwYicPKeGQp1m4oXiNRL6TOvnyrzBoyg1mIH30AIe3aZEs27pvw5fSJNItLQSIlrahXjTd8CnuQZkXKDYA-qF1vOP0rLBBu40rvLFhcfVQ25YKyrZ_/s1600/Bat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizloLb3Wl9Y2qEPoGF3cKAf-qVEowwYicPKeGQp1m4oXiNRL6TOvnyrzBoyg1mIH30AIe3aZEs27pvw5fSJNItLQSIlrahXjTd8CnuQZkXKDYA-qF1vOP0rLBBu40rvLFhcfVQ25YKyrZ_/s320/Bat.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Bat</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Starring: Agnes Moorehead, Vincent Price</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Director: Crane Wilbur</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Writers: Avery Hopwood (novel/play), Mary Roberts Rinehart (novel/play), Crane Wilbur</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Genre: Horror, Thriller</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Year: 1959</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">My rating: </span><img src="http://g-images.amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/customer-reviews/stars-3-0.gif" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px; height: auto !important; max-height: 2048px; max-width: 100%;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I am disappointed to have to inform the general, unprepared public that the film THE BAT does not feature a giant evil bat, or a genetically enhanced killer bat, or even Adam West doing the Batusi. No, the movie is only titled thusly because the (human) villain has given himself the name "The Bat". Unfortunately, this is one of the only interesting things about the bad guy in this film.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">As cheesy, cheap horror movies go, THE BAT isn't half bad. It's unpredictable in the sense that the movie keeps the identity of the killer a secret by throwing so much information at the viewer that each character has half a dozen clues pointing to him. The number of red herrings may make the Sherlock Holmesian portion of the audience weep, but it makes for an entertaining –- if totally incoherent -– ride.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The movie stars Agnes Moorehead (of CITIZEN KANE and "Bewitched" fame) as Cornelia van Gorder, a writer of cheap thrillers. (Her books are described as corny, and her friend shortens Cornelia to "Corny". Did you catch the joke there? Did you?) She's one of those fictional authors who somehow makes a huge amount of money from her scribblings, so she's taking the entire summer off and renting a luxurious mansion in a picturesque locale out in the country.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Ah, but where would a cheap horror movie be without Vincent Price? He shows up in his first scene wearing a stupid flannel shirt and wielding a shotgun. He purrs his way through the rest of the movie as Dr. Wells, one of the characters who keeps getting drawn back to the mansion. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The mansion is where the bulk of the story takes place. You see, there's a hell of a lot of plot, and all of it comes back to the mansion. A million dollars has been embezzled from the local bank. There's already been one murder because of this. The money is hidden inside a secret room in the mansion, and while Moorehead and her maid/friend Lizzie are ignorant of these events, they have their own problems. Newspaper reports are hyping the recent killing spree of a serial murderer called "The Bat", a mean fellow who specializes in killing women, and who has taken a healthy interest in the mansion.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Scenes featuring the Bat show the nefarious villain creeping through the shadows in a black suit, a black ski-mask and a Jack Abarmoff black fedora. Is he attracted to the mansion because of the ill-gotten loot? Or is he simply preying on the women for kicks? Well, you'll have to wait during most of the movie while the screenwriter makes up his mind on that one.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">The Bat is a relatively lackluster villain. He has no great lines of dialog, no fun character quirks. He does, however, have one redeeming feature. One of his methods of murder is to release a rabid bat into a room where his victim sleeps. Unfortunately, he only does this in one scene. A scene with one of the worst special effect animals I've seen in a long time. Indeed, I have vague memories of the Three Stooges being harassed by the same rubber bat prop to equally hilarious effect some years before. (The difference, of course, is that the Three Stooges were deliberately trying to amuse.)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">Agnes Moorehead and Vincent Price are really the only two memorable people in this movie. I watched this movie a few weeks ago, and when playing it again this evening to refresh my memory for this review, I realized that I had completely forgotten about every character who wasn't played by Moorehead or Price. The rest of the cast simply stand around blankly, passively waiting their turn to be killed off. (Basically, if you aren't Moorehead or Price, then there are only two actions for you to perform. You can either discover a new corpse, or you can be the new corpse.)</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I mentioned that this is a decent film, but one gets the impression that this could have been much better. The appeal comes mostly from the cheesy, camp factor, yet with little effort, this could have been much better. Indeed, other films that were derived from the same source material have a much better reputation than this. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">There's no real tension, no sense of danger. A haunted spooky house is a common location for horror movies, but this mansion does nothing to distinguish itself. There are no ominous shadows, no creaky staircases. (There's the requisite dusty suit of armor, but it gets killed off in the first act.) In fact the only way we have of knowing that this is indeed a spooky, eerie house is that the characters keep insisting that it is.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">I'm reviewing the Digiview Productions release of this DVD and the picture and sound quality are more than adequate for this kind of movie. There is an odd purple blotch that occasionally shimmies across the picture. Annoying as this interference is, it's often times more lively than the actors currently appearing on screen.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;">While this version of THE BAT is entertaining, it's nothing to write home about. I suspect that if I track down the other versions of this movie (1926's THE BAT and 1930's THE BAT WHISPERS) I'd probably enjoy them in the manner in which they were intended. As it exists, THE BAT is a fun movie, if goofy at times. Moorehead and Price at least make this watchable.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1-end" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333px;"></a>Andrew McCaffreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13320945433957314079noreply@blogger.com0